That Fella Has Enough Gold Around His Neck to Buy TWO Slices at the Flips' Pizzeria!

Advertised as HTG Hollywood's "coolest hotspot," Club Siberia has been the highlight of HTG party life for years. If a patron is lucky, he might find himself in the club's backroom, rubbing elbows with talent ranging from A-listers to those not worthy of a commercial during Jersey Shore.

Unfortunately, it can be rough in the backroom. That's why the legendary Mr. T formed a bodyguard service for those too nervous to venture into the danger by themselves. With people such as Sin City's Gail and the Jedi Master Yoda in his employ, visitors to the backroom often left with their hide intact.

But now it seems that those visitors will have to lay it on the line again. According to signs posted out front of the downtown location, Mr. T's bodyguards are on strike.

"We ain't got no time for jibba jabba" the former A-Team star declared during a recent chat. "Times is tough for all of us. We deserve better consideration for the service we provide. But that fool Honolulu Lou ain't having it. He says we have to keep our prices the way they are. I say he can kiss his safety net goodbye. Until the management of Club Siberia can meet our terms, we're walking."

Although this simply means that anyone who wishes to gain a celebrity friend at the Club Siberia backroom can still do so, it will be without Mr. T's protection. That is, until the club's management can come to terms with the bodyguards.

Honolulu Lou, club manager, could not be reached for comment.

Mystery Surrounds Statement Made by HTG Resident

"Welcome to the world of tomorrow." Such was the lone statement made by one of HTG Hollywood's busiest citizens, Quantum. As a producer/network head/studio chief, Q has his fingers in a number of pies. His rapidfire approach to movie releases has gained Lake Hope Features a large bank account.

So what was he talking about?

The guesses are plenty... It's the tagline for a new Sci Fi film to be released by LHF. It's a part of the premise for a new show on DRTV. Or maybe Q has invented a new pizza topping for the Flips' restaurant.

Whatever it is, Quantum isn't saying.

"I don't know what it is yet," proclaimed an anxious visitor to HTG Chat, " but I bet it's going to be huge!"

Happening will stay on top of this story until Q comes forth with more info or it gets smashed due to the awesome weight of the editorial staff.

Updated Daily by Daily, Huh. Hmm.

The Carson Daily, one of HTG Hollywood's news sources, concentrates on soundtracks from HTG films. It's operator, Carson, posts this news... every five months. Yes, it takes five months for Carson to update his website.

Five months have passed since Carson has been heard from. Is he alive? Has he moved on? Or will we be seeing news about a new movie soundtrack?

Perhaps more HTG movies need soundtracks. Perhaps more HTG producers need to send their soundtrack lists to Carson.

In the meantime, could someone check out Carson's pool? Just in case.

It's Always So Hard to Say Goodbye

Later Tonight with CzarTim is undergoing a cast change due to a recent controversial allegation made towards one of the stars of the show. "People have been calling Aziz a racist and it has been hurting our ratings," said DRTV co-head Quantum. "I mean, we're losing to a show called Scanners based on that movie. Because, seriously, how low can you go when one Indian (Scanners' Pablo Silveria) is getting all of the viewers? And not the other (Later Tonight's Aziz Ansari)." Aziz's replacement is going to be named shortly?

No, I'm sorry, that's not the real deal. A cast change is being made, but it's actually in regards to that of Later Tonight announcer Steven Seagal. Apparently his recent controversy involving 'sexual slavery' has been deamed "unsavory" by the higher-ups at DRTV. "Male on Male sexual harrassment is fine," stated one annonymous DRTV executive, "but male on female sexual harrassment? Well, that's just a big no-no."

Being named as Steven's replacment is Luke Skywalker himself - Mark Hamill. In a quote issued by Quantum, he stated "Mark's the right fit. He's voiced the Joker and he's been a lead in a Star Wars film. He's just got such a wide range, why wouldn't we want him to be an announcer for our Late Tonight talk show?"

Later Tonight with CzarTim, the third highest rated series on HTG: TV circa Session 9, is returning for Session 10. Keep your eyes peeled for more announcments about LTWCT and other DRTV series as Session 10 draws closer.

Will JD and Turk Be There?

This just in from Wonder Inc.:

"Chad Michael Murray will play a young Gregory House as we explore the doctor's origins. The movie will be released May 7th. Wonder Inc. just upgraded their lease on the franchise to a full purchase."

More information to come when it develops.

Baldwin Without the Flips? Grunberg In Another Abrams Project? Golly!

During a press conference held today in downtown HTG Hollywood, Horror Hour actor Adam Baldwin is a possible choice to portray Shredder, the leading villain facing animated heroes Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

"I've just leased Turtles for 3 months" exclaimed an excited LHF Studio chief Quantum. "We've got a new producer tackling the project. Our cast is tentative, but the June 11 release date for TMNT: Origins is pretty solid."

According to the release calendar, here's the information for the film:

Producer: sparckvalent

The Turtles try and discover their origins whilst besieged by the corrupt
forces controlling Animalius.

DIRECTOR: JJ Abrams

GENRE: Animation

CAST(Changes to possibly come):

Leonardo - Adrien Brody
Michelangelo - James Roday
Donatello - Gbenga Akinnagbe
Raphael - Josh Holloway
Master Splinter - Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa
Shredder - Adam Baldwin
April O'Neil - Jenny Wade
Arscevin - Michael Emerson
Cameleon - Andy Serkis
Fallon - Greg Grunberg

Quantum has promised more updates concerning the film when they are available.

Crime Doesn't Pay Unless You Get Away

HTG Hollywood can sometimes be an unsafe place to work and live. Actor Kal Penn discovered this after a recent visit to Downtown's coldest hotspot, Club Siberia.

According to a source at HTG Police, Penn was in the men's room at the club's notorious back room when he was approached by a hooded man with a pistol. The robber ordered Penn to hand over his wallet and other unspecified valuables.

"The wisecracks that he makes on film didn't help him then" the anonymous officer reported.

Penn, who recently appeared as a guest on DRTV's show It's Always Me, had to be sedated after the harrowing incident.

"It's a good thing Honolulu Lou didn't catch the mugger" a club guest commented. "Lou doesn't put up with such things at his place... unless he's a part of it."

As of this writing, the bandit has not been aprehended, nor has any of Penn's valuables been recovered.

"I bet he goes to the can with a bud from now on, huh" remarked another club goer.