Poster Revealed, Green Bean Casserole is Delicious

Tesla has revealed his poster for The Inheritance, his follow-up to the successful The Magician. Starring Rachel McAdams, the movie centers on a woman who gains extra attention after receiving... an inheritance.

Of note is that this will be Kate Upton's first HTG role. Although she has appeared on countless magazine covers and in commercials, the HTG big screen has avoided her until now.

"I hope we get a bikini scene with her" remarked a movie goer at a local theatre.

"She is pleasant to look at, that's for sure" stated another.

"I hope I can get a 300 by 450 copy of that poster" said the theatre updater with hope in his eyes.

The Inheritance opens on November 8.

EIC Sleepy, Waits for Thursday to Post Important Breaking News

Or something like that. See you tomorrow!

A Friendship in the Making?

It appears that Miley Cyrus and Amy are party pals.

The two stars were spotted chatting at an HTG Hollywood hotspot over the weekend, arriving at the club separately but enjoying each other’s company after Amy approached Cyrus’ table and said "Bobo cha burrito, bitch."

Perhaps this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

Amy will appear in various Baseball Mogul films over the next year. Cyrus is slated to co-star in Buttholes, recently acquired by Amyland Studios.

TV Series to Return for 12th Season

HTG TV series It's Always Me is preparing for its 12th season.

"I told a former net head that I'd be willing to do IAM forever" stated series producer Marlowe. "I enjoy doing it. I have story ideas that could make it last for years. The only difficulty is getting it all down on paper."

It's Always Me involves a businessman named Michael (Jason Segel) who signs up for an automated spouse (an Autospouse) named Monica (Rahshida Jones) who is so realistic, he falls in love with her. Monica turns out to be the perfect wife and mother.

"I've got links to all of the past seasons, for those new to IAM and want to catch up" continued Marlowe. "I'm always willing to answer whatever questions readers would have."

It's Always Me will begin with HTG TV's opening on November 5.

Creepy New Show Promises to Thrill

JDog84 is no stranger to HTG TV, having already produced Diamond Records and Roommates. His next launch into television will be titled along the line of The Skeleton Bridge Chronicles. It will feature a running story about murder, mayhem and mystery in a sleepy town.

"I don't have a cast yet, but I know that I'll be looking for an older actress" JDog84 explained.

Hmm. Perhaps Miss Midler should be contacted?

The new session of HTG TV opens on November 5.

Biebs Not in Film, Probs in Another

Although Brianc2008 of Horizon Pictures has been very open about who will be starring in the studio's upcoming western A Son's Revenge, the studio head/producer felt it was necessary on Sunday night to make an announcement.

"Justin Bieber will not have a role in A Son's Revenge."

Cheers erupted at the statement. The jubilation would be short-lived, however.

"He likely will have a part, though, in our upcoming campus comedy."

Although he has had several jobs in HTG Hollywood, Justin Bieber still seems to be the subject of ridicule.

Is it jealousy? Fear? Ignorance?

A Son's Revenge, sans Justin Bieber, opens on November 8.

At Least They Weren't Chocolate Double Chunk

Rachel McAdams revealed recently that she does not take well to oatmeal raisin cookies. The actress, who stars in film The Inheritance, stated that she was having trouble with hiccups, so a friend recommended the cookies as a cure.

Things did not go as expected.

McAdams recalled "I had one of the cookies and by the time I sat down, my brain started to go wacko. I wasn't thinking normally. I was hallucinating!"

And then things got weird.

"I started seeing a dancing dog in front of me. It kept saying 'Cha cha cha!' I was going crazy! I finally settled down after a few hours."

The Inheritance, Tesla's next film, will be released by Catalyst Studios on November 8.

Choppy Choppy No More Saki

Health officials were called to Carne Diem this week when customers complained about the chef being "out of sorts" and "maniacal."

Fortunately for the meat-only eatery, the person in question was not an employee of the restaurant, but singer-actress Bette Midler in costume.

"I was on my way to a costume party" Midler explained. "Who would have thought that a trip to pick up some Lil Smokies would cause this trouble?"

Midler, who has not appeared in an HTG film since 2006, mentioned that she is available for casting.

"Give an old broad a chance!" she stated.

That Baby's Going to Hurl!

More disagreement with Baseball Mogul Productions emerged this week when a local couple issued a lawsuit against the company and Amyland Studios. According to the lawsuit, the couple took their infant with them last week to see the comedic horror thriller Sharknado 2: Sharknadoier. And, ever since they returned home, the child refuses to stop spinning in place like the shark-filled tornadoes in the film.

"It's almost impossible to feed her" cried the mother, Edna Crotchstein. "We've tried holding her in place, but she quickly breaks loose and spins again. We don't know what to do."

"I think their baby is wacko" was the unofficial reply from an unidentified employee at Baseball Mogul. "That's like going to a zombie movie and blaming the makers of the film when you start eating your neighbors. It just doesn't make sense."

While there have been no other reports of uncontrolled spinning due to the film, Mrs. Crotchstein seems adamant.

"It's just a matter of time" she continued. "Just you wait. If they don't pull that movie from theatres, we'll have people spinning all over this town ."

Citizens of HTG Hollywood who witness out-of-control spinning are asked to notify the local police.

Sharknado 2: Sharknadoier continues in theatres this week.

New Cast Member for Controversial Film Added

Despite not being picked up yet by a studio and protests by parenting groups, Baseball Mogul Productions continues to work on their horror comedy feature Buttholes. With Creed Bratton and Miley Cyrus proposed to star, BM has added Wanda Sykes to the cast list.

"She'd be the voice of one of the buttholes" a representative of the producer explained. "She's a great talent and a perfect fit for the part."

Creative minds have also been at work, looking to taglines for when the film will eventually be released.

"We put the 'rear' in Rear Window" is one of the newest suggestions.

"If this horrible thing makes it to theatres, I'm moving to Canada" declared a protestor on yet another day picketing Baseball Mogul.

Stay tuned to Happening for further developments on Buttholes.

Next? Kraut and Mayo!

According to rumors going around HTG Hollywood, It's Always Me star Jason Segel is publishing a cook book. Apparently Segel is so thrilled with his ability to make delicious hot dogs, he wants the world to be able to share his skill.

But, according to the actor's rep, this is not true.

"Sure, Mr. Segel enjoys a nice hot dog now and then" explained the representative. "But a recipe book of them? No way. That's a little silly."

Besides the upcoming twelfth season of the HTG TV series It's Always Me, Segel has a part in the Catalyst Studios release The Inheritance. Authored by Tesla, it will be the next film following the successful The Magician. The dramedy will open on November 8.

"Maybe we'll have hot dogs at the premiere" joked a Catalyst staffer.

New HTG TV Rules Arrive for New Session

Here's the post that TV Dewd Czartim made concerning the upcoming session of HTG TV. Questions should be directed to the TV forum of the message board.

==========

Alright, I've done most of the groundwork for the OnDemand system, and I'm confident we can launch on November 1st assuming there are no major objections.

- TV will be once a week, every week with the exception of break months. - 3 break months a year (we'll decide the actual dates later, but hopefully schedule around times when htg is typically slow) - A network can air up to 3 episodes per week. - There are no penalties for missing a week - if a producer is late you can just push the episode a week back.

- There will be a monthly sheet similar to our current session sheets which will allow netheads to schedule ahead of time. - The sheet will have a schedule page which pulls data automatically from the mdb, so it'll look almost identical to the current schedule page except that it will A) scale w/ number of episodes B) not need an admin to input redundant info to create the schedule page.

- Twice a month there will be a voting page which will serve for both buzz voting and a 1-10 vote for each episode aired since the last voting period. - Voting will last a week. - Deadline for new shows to enter buzz will be the 14th and last day of every month. Voting will go up the following day.

- Ratings will be determined by Showpoints. - Showpoints formula will go unchanged with the exception that the Watch It Now votes will be the average from the 1-10 vote - To encourage consistent content, the est. average episode income will be tied to the number of episodes a network airs in the month. - Airing 1-3 episodes will make considerably less, but airing max will be a nice boost. - Average showpoints is added to the total, so airing higher quality shows will boost the profit per episode. - Looking at roughly 20m average gross per episode.

- A show's season can be 12 episodes max. You could still do a weekly show without delays, but after 12 the next season starts. - A show's season ends automatically if no episode has aired within 4 weeks -- break months don't count against it. - Alternatively, the NetHead can end a season whenever. - After a show's season ends, TS changes / cap boosts are determined (formulas tbd). - You need to buzz / repay cast for each new season.

- I think we'll get rid of Casting Central / one show per talent until production schedules go live or we come up with a better alternative. - Sets are assigned to a show at the start of a season, and cannot be changed until that show's season is over -- at which point it's available for reuse. - Things like showography and syndie go unchanged. - No more Upfronts, though I was considering doing things like Sweep weeks and other events. We'll worry about that later.

New Television Rules to Take Effect

More to come. Stay tuned to Happening as this develops.

If Burritos Are So Tasty, Why Doesn't My Spellcheck Accept 'Em?

Protestors lined the sidewalk in front of Baseball Mogul Productions today to show their disagreement with Pedro's newest pitch, Buttholes.

"It's soft core porn" stated one protestor.

"Is this the kind of film we want in our theatres?" said another.

The Creed Bratton/Miley Cyrus comedy has yet to be picked up by a studio. What is the anticipation by Baseball Mogul?

"We hope to see it out," mentioned one production company staff member. "Even if it has to be tweaked a little. Please note that's tweaked, not twerked!"

No word yet has come if the protestors plan on returning for a second day.

Yeehaw and Bobo Chili Frijito

Some residents of HTG Hollywood tend to stay busy. Actress Betty White does her best to be active whenever she's not filming a TV or movie role.

Miss White stopped by the construction in the downtown of the city to lend a hand on Monday. She enjoyed helping to take down an old structure near the Faulkner building, lending plenty "yeehaw" yells.

"She was a hoot to have around" remarked a construction worker. "She did tire easily, but after a half hour in her trailer, she was ready to get going again."

White last appeared in 2012's The Wheelbarrow. Rumor has it that she will appear in another Miracle Pictures project soon.

"As long as she makes time to have fun with us down here," finished the construction worker, "I'm fine with her film work."

I Knew She Was a Swinger!

Visitors to the Miracle Pictures Studio lot last weekend were treated to a view of singer Katy Perry swinging across a backlot jungle scene in a skimpy outfit. What was the purpose?

According to studio buzz, Katy was filming a scene for a new Miracle Pictures Productions movie. With Grave Robbers arriving Friday, will this be the next release by Marlowe?

"Who knows" remarked a studio employee who wished to remain anonymous. "Marlowe's got a lot of irons in the fire. You just never know what will be next."

Katy's curvaceous form in a skimpy jungle outfit... Could a female version of Tarzan be on the way? The studio staffer would not comment.

"Maybe she'd be Jane" guessed a studio guest. "That would be cool, too. But who would be Tarzan?"

Happening will continue to track this story as it develops.

Shoulda Ordered Carne Diem to Start!

Patricia Azarcoya is a successful Latin writer and producer, but she may not be that great in the kitchen. On Saturday night, while cooking dinner for husband Rob Schneider and their child, she set off the fire alarm in their home.

Fortunately, nothing serious happened beyond that.

"We went ahead and got Carne Diem takeout" Patricia noted. "Sorry, neighbors, for all of the commotion."

Husband Rob, who typically stars in comedies, leads a Wes Craven horror film next Friday. Grave Robbers centers on a down-on-his-luck Korean War vet who turns to cemetery theft to hopefully one day strike it rich.

"I'm looking forward to the chance of pace" remarked Rob while waiting to return to his home.

Good Food on the Menu for Action Star

Few things can beat a good night out at a good restaurant. Arnold Schwarzenegger found this to be true when he spent a night earlier this week enjoying the food at local eatery Flip Brothers Pizzeria.

"He ate a big bowl of spaghetti and most of a deep dish supreme pizza" explained a waiter who observed the former California Governor. "He had quite a few bottles of beer, too, plus some wine. He left full and very happy."

Despite not appearing in an HTG film since 2009's Phil Scotto For President, Schwarzenegger seems to enjoy the high life.

"He had a sweet ride" continued the waiter. "Nice clothes and, let's say, an attractive friend. I don't know why he's been off the movie screens for so long. Maybe someone will come up with something for him soon."

With Uncle Joey in Their Corner, How Could They Lose? Bobo Burrito.

Officially, Horizon Pictures has not announced the lineup for their Christmas wrestling event, TCW XV. But rumors still abound on who the guest stars may be for the film.

The latest rumor involves the Olsen sisters, Mary-Kate and Ashley.

"They need to keep in the limelight" stated a wrestling fan at a local event. "Twins are in. Look at the Bellas and how well they are doing. Maybe Lucian's planning on having a Full House Stampede... The Bellas versus the Olsens. I'd pay to see that."

"That's nonsense, of course" remarked a nearby friend. "If anything, they'll have the Olsens come in, make a couple remarks, then have Awesome Kong come down to the ring and eat them. They'd be just an appetizer for the wrestler."

Calls to Horizon Pictures and Ship of Fooles Productions continue to be left unanswered. When will they announce the TCW XV stars?

TCW XV opens on December 20.

Global Thriller Gets Cast, Star Says He is Difficult to Love

Daniel Radcliffe can defeat the world’s most dangerous wizards... but dating is still a challenge.

Recently the Harry Potter star talked about struggling to romance his girlfriend, Rosie Coker.

“I hated dating because I’m crap at it!” said Radcliffe. “With Rosie, I didn’t know what was appropriate, like on which date you’re supposed to try and kiss her.”

That led to some awkward moments. “At the end of the second date I pulled a move out of the Bela Lugosi Book of Woo,” he recalled, referring to Hollywood’s most famous Dracula. “I went to kiss Rosie and at the last minute lost my nerve and ended up kissing her neck, which is such a weirdly intimate place to kiss somebody on a second date. I got nervous and yelled 'Cha!' and ran off.”

But he’s gotten comfortable enough with Coker to say he is absolutely in love with her.

Radcliffe continued, “When Rosie’s here, every day seems better. I’m not an easy person to love.”

He explained that while there are “lots of times when I’m a very good boyfriend,” there are also times “when I’m useless. I mean, I’m a mess around the house. I talk nonstop. I become obsessed with things.”

But Coker doesn’t seem to mind. “She loves me for my oddness, my awkwardness, all of those things that I hate about myself,” said Radcliffe, adding “She finds them cute. I guess that’s love.”

Radcliffe will next appear in Frontline Films' The Diplomat's Son, to be released by Horizon Pictures. Radcliffe will take the lead as Lucas, a young man who gets in over his head when looking for a job.

Rounding out the cast will be Michael Fassbinder, Gaspard Ulliel, Vincent Cassel, Terrance Stamp, Carey Mulligan, Christoph Waltz, Shailene Woodley and Aaron Paul. David Fincher is set to direct.

Eric has announced that the film will open on November 15.

They Say That Sharks Never Stop Swimming and Pedro Never Stops Saying Bobo Burrito

The Mega Mart pet store has announced a fury of shark purchases by mansion owners in HTG Hollywood. Shark tanks, too, a requirement for owning a shark, have also been sold in great numbers recently.

"It took us a while to figure it out" stated management at the pet store. "We finally realized what was happening. The excitement for Sharknado 2 has got people wanting their own sharks!"

A Baseball Mogul film, Sharknado 2 takes a fun look at sharks, zombies and other movie situations. It reunites the Roads Masterson duo of Luke Perry and Pauly Shore.

"I'm looking forward to the producer appearances as well" stated a local movie fan. "I hope they die a gruesome bloody death!"

Sharknado 2: Sharknadoier opens tomorrow.

New Film Announced, Save Money on Your Car Insurance

Once you're on a roll, you've got to keep rolling.

Pedro of Baseball Moguls has announced his Valentine project for 2014. Titled Buttholes, Pedro describes it as "Sci-Fi meets Rom-Com. District 9 combined with When Harry Met Sally. It's something different that I think people will enjoy."

The story involves a womanizer named Zed who enjoys women's rear ends. One day he notices that the rear ends are looking back!

Casting has not begun, but the usual cast of Pedro favorites are expected.

"Bobo and Chito Burrito" Pedro concluded.

EIC Notices Comment, Willing to Oblige, Hungers for Black Cherry Yogurt

Producer Neglects Dig Dug, Buys Extra Cheese for His Tacos

Pedro of Baseball Mogul Productions, no stranger to films adapted from video games, can add a new title to his list. He has purchased the rights to Beyond: Two Souls, the new game featuring characters by Ellen Page and Willem Dafoe. What does Pedro plan on doing with the property?

"Amy The Dog will be a Russian spy who buys many bombs to kill humans" is his basic explanation.

Will it feature Page and Dafoe? Or perhaps more familiar/friendly Pedro talents?

Stay tuned to Happening for how this will develop.

Egads! And Could You Pass the Salt?

Is Rob Schneider scary? Maybe, if starring in a Wes Craven horror film is an indication. Is Denise Richards attractive? Certainly, even though she isn't the young vixen from Wild Things any longer.

After yesterday, finding the proper description for Zac Efron might be difficult.

"We were horsing around" began a friend of the actor. "He slipped and fell in the bathroom. And, believe it or not, he got stuck in the toilet!"

Efron, too embarrassed to explain his predicament, was the victim of a photo by the friend. After a call to 911, paramedics were able to get him loose.

"I guess I'd be embarrassed, too" stated the friend. "At least bare-assed. Ha!"

Efron, Schneider and Richards appear in Grave Robbers, which opens October 25.

"I promise he'll be dressed for the premiere" concluded the friend of Efron.

I Bet He Knows Where All the Good Sushi Bars Are

EricM has once again returned to HTG Hollywood. He has announced a new film, Diplomat's Son.

In the movie, Lucas Bess goes in for a job interview with Conrad Blackwell. Things take a turn when he is interviewed by Ellis Carter instead and finds himself swept into European intrigue and excitement.

A formal cast and director have not been declared yet. Rumors for the lead include Ben Affleck, Aaron Paul and Mario Lopez. With the release just one month away, advertisements will certainly be shown and make the reveal.

This is the first film for Eric since 2010's successful drama Strung Out on a Wire.

After a few queries concerning Eric's pitch, Horizon Pictures was chosen as the studio to show the film.

"It's great to have Frontline Films back" declared a local movie fan. "We can use all the good stories that we can get."

Diplomat's Son will open on November 15.

Werd, Dawg. Personally, I Like Raisin Bran. Two Scoops, You Know.

Success is the product of inspiration and hard work. Lucian of Ship of Fooles Productions knows this well after years of his own success.

Lucian's latest idea is a parody titled Cereal Eating for Dummies. Based on the lengthy Serial Killing for Dummies series by Pedro, what would the new film entail?

"Cereal eating, of course" Lucian offered. "That's all that I have for now. But, if I can flesh out the story, we could see this one soon."

What kind of cereal do fans want to see eaten? Who do these fans want to have eating the cereal?

Stay tuned to Happening for further developments.

No JB? No Fun! Pass the Tropical Dots, Please.

After weeks of speculation, Pedro of Baseball Mogul Productions and Amyland Studios has announced a partial cast list for Serial Killing for Dummies 7. The newest installment of his franchise, everyone from Eddie Izzard to Meg Ryan was pondered by fans. They don't have to wait any longer.

Parker Posey, Nicholas Lea. Paul Leyden and Michael Rady are all returning to their roles. Unfortunately for fans of Justin Bieber, Pedro confirmed tonight that the young entertainer will not appear in the movie.

"He has the chops, sure" the studio chief stated. "But he just wasn't a fit for anything. Maybe next time we'll target something for him. We're anxious to work with him some day soon."

Some fans, though, think that this might be a ruse by Pedro to keep Bieber's casting a surprise.

We will find out when Serial Killing 7 enters theaters on November 1.

Actress in New Movie, EIC Asks for Extra Twizzlers

Award-winning producer Tesla of Mad Scientist Films is on a roll. The Magician, his Darren Aronofsky drama, opens this Friday. He recently added a production office to his properties. And he already has his next movie in the can.

The Inheritance, to be released by Random's Catalyst Studios, concerns three siblings who try to win their eldest sister's affection after she inherits a million dollars from their deceased father. The dramedy features Rachel Mcadams, Dave Franco, Kate Mara and Amber Heard.

Plus, to the delight of movie fans across HTG Hollywood, Tesla already has another film idea in mind.

"I'm psyched" declared a local movie goer. "Tesla's showing no sign of slowing down. I can't wait to see his new films!"

The Magician is now in buzz. The Inheritance is not yet scheduled.

Romanians Angry at Producer

Businessmen in Romania are fuming at accusations recently placed against them by All In producer Brianc2008.

"He claims that we are pirates" an angry salesman declared at his video booth. "These movies and television shows, they are not illegal copies. I paid a serious fee to someone for these. In fact, I am making next to nothing on them. If you buy may five or so, my little girl may eat tonight. Falsely saying that I am a pirate is depriving food, clothing and shelter from my daughter. Do not do that!"

According to the Bureatik Romanian Orgazinos, an agency that assists businesses in Romania, there is little evidence that videos are pirated items in their country.

"In other countries like the United States, I cannot say" said a representative of BRO. "But here in Romania, most business people are honest, hard working individuals. To label them as criminals is in itself criminal! Now, how many of these may I get you? I make you good deal!"

Rumors Rumors Rumors, Sour Cream Sure is Tasty!

With the success of Saddle Tramp on its way, 21st Century Pictures is ready for its next hit. According to a source within the studio, executive Teufel is looking to develop the James Bond franchise, but with a twist.

In the new incarnation of the famed spy series, Teufel wants to make the lead a female.

"He's pretty hyped about the idea," noted the source. "They've been having trouble getting a normal Bond off the ground. But a female-led action thriller? They'll be lined up around the block to see that!"

The studio hopes to cast Summer Glau as Jane Bond, relation to James unknown at this time. Having proven herself able to handle a physical role, is the actress ready for this major one?

The source continued "It's all in development now. But we're sure that we can get it off the ground for mid-2014. Keep an eye on the calendar!"

Neither Miss Glau nor her representation returned calls as of this writing.

I Wonder If It Tastes Like Chicken

Over the years, many things have been spotted off the coast of HTG Hollywood.

Pirate ships. Sinking islands. New islands popping up. Mansharks. And now...

"I swear!" exclaimed a man after an experience at the city's south edge. "It was a dolphin... with wings!"

Apparently a new item of interest has found its way to the water off the coast. Curious residents have spent time along the ocean's edge trying to spot the mysterious creature.

"It sure would be an interesting pet" declared a representative from Mega Mart's pet store. "Would it give the owner a special ability of some sort? Who knows. I guess it could be kept in a shark tank. But you can only have those at a mansion. So many questions. I hope, if there is a flying dolphin out there, that we see it soon!"

All citizens who spot the animal are encouraged to notify the city immediately.

Sharks Sharks and More Sharks

White Shark Café is an unofficial name given to an area halfway between Baja California and Hawaii in 2002 by researchers at Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute. Before then, the area had not been suspected as a shark habitat. Using satellite tracking data, however, they discovered that great white sharks frequently travel and loiter in the area.

It's unknown why they go there. There's little food for them there. Researchers equate the area to a desert. At first they thought it was for mating purposes, but they've also tracked juvenile sharks to there, so they don't think it's just for that. They say that it takes sharks 100 days to get there, and when they do, they often dive to depths of 1,000 feet as often as once every 10 minutes.

According to a source in HTG Hollywood, Amyland Studios is considering the White Shark Café as the backdrop for their next Sharknado installment, Sharknado 3: Sharknadoiest.

"What is really there?" pondered the anonymous source. "The possibilities are numerous. Whatever the reason, you know that there will be sharks. Lots of Sharks."

Sharknado 2: Sharknadoier enters buzz later today.

Sisters? I Don't Think So. No Cha There.

"Secret Kardashian Sister Exposed" screamed the headline of a competing HTG news source recently. In the story, it claimed "Amy the Dog is really the half-sister of Kim and gang."

Again the rumors flow. After very little investigation (because it required so little), evidence determined that Amy is not related to the Kardashian sisters. Despite a similar general appearance and overall attitude, Happening has found a birth certificate showing the birth parents to be... get this... dogs for Amy. As is well publicized, the Kardashian siblings may have parents that act like dogs, but they are indeed human.

When asked about the rumor, Amy declared "Every one of these poopsicles wants to be a part of the Amy empire. I don't blame them. I'm in most of the movies that reach HTG screens. But do it on your own effort, don't hop onto mine, you cocoa beans."

Amy's next movie, Sharknado 2, opens October 18.

Producer Celebrates Too Much?

A photograph being shopped around HTG Hollywood today promises a peek at a drunken Lucian Carter, producer/former net head/co-studio chief/ham sandwich fancier. According to the man offering the picture, Lucian was at an HTG Hollywood bar last night and had too much celebrating.

As I told the man...

"I know Lucian Carter. I've worked with Lucian Carter. I've competed against Lucian Carter. I've dined with Lucian Carter. I've arm wrestled Lucian Carter. And, sir, that is not Lucian Carter."

Residents of the city are advised to not pay money for the photograph. Fortunately for this news source, our security cameras were able to catch a copy of the offending picture.

Lucian, long-time resident of HTG Hollywood and three-time flapjack stacking champion, counted his 41st birthday on Wednesday. Here's hoping he had a good one and will enjoy many more.

Lucian's next project, wrestling event TCW XV, opens in December.

New TV Drama to Air, Promises No Talking Dogs

After working on two successful HTG TV series, But Alas Pictures has decided to try for a third. Czartim has announced a new drama to open this session.

"It's called Queen Jane," the producer explained in chat on Wednesday. "And it will be a drama set in Cincinnati that deals with class issues and the generational divide."

r Although no casting has been made yet, Tim expects for the process to begin soon.

Because of production troubles with networks, it has been announced that there will be at least a week delay in starting the session. Interested parties are instructed to keep an eye on the forum for further announcements.

Sharks, Tornadoes AND Zombies? Eek!

An extended preview for the upcoming Sharknado 2: Sharknadoier has been posted on the forum. A Baseball Mogul film, it aims to parody the first Sharknado movie. Featuring old Pedro favorites Amy the Dog, Roads Masterson and Jizzmopper, it is up against firm competition by The Magician, Tesla's new film to open the same day.

"It's bound to be non-stop amusement" guessed a local movie fan. "We'll see just how far Pedro goes on this one."

Sharknado 2 and The Magician open on October 18.

Comic Makes Accusation, Does Not Make EIC Spill Anything

Roseanne is blasting the producer and network chief behind It's Always Me for allegedly stealing one of her jokes for the series last session.

The actress-comedienne ranted about the alleged theft last weekend telling guests at an HTG Hollywood hotspot "Friends told me that Tracy Morgan is stealing my jokes without any sense of being a (expletive) thief."

Which joke Roseanne spoke of was not disclosed. She claimed that the joke was from an HBO standup special in 2006, which she also claimed falls under copyright laws.

When asked about the accusation, IAM producer Marlowe stated "It's difficult to know what she's talking about when she won't disclose the actual joke."

It's Always Me, including stars Jason Segel, Rashida Jones and Neil Patrick Harris, returns to APB Television for its twelfth season later this month.

Actress Gets Honor, Makes EIC Spill Soup

Scarlett Johansson has been named “The Sexiest Woman Alive” by Esquire magazine for the second time.

The actress, who had earned the title in 2006, appears on the mag’s November cover in a tight top and booty shorts.

Johansson tells the magazine she has to work hard to stay relevant in Hollywood, sharing “I gotta hustle. I’m a twenty-eight-year-old woman in the movie business.”

The beauty next appears in The Black Widow, an Amyland Studios release based on the Marvel superhero on December 13.

With a Title Like That, Would You Wear It?

The life of an actor can be an interesting one, if recent events affecting Rob Schneider are an indication.

"I'm being sued by Monkey Balls" the Grave Robbers talent remarked in a recent interview. "Can you believe it?"

Monkey Balls Cologne, a product of Fly-By-Night Enterprises, is seeking damages from Schneider for failing to provide support after receiving a $2 million payment. Schneider is countersuing.

"They're just giving the stuff away" Schneider stated. "Sell the stuff and make some cash. Why get mad at me? Heck, if you email the right person, he'll send you a bottle for no charge. If they want to get serious about Monkey Balls, make it available at Mega Mart or the Contest Store or wherever. Just leave me out of it."

Fly-By-Night has not publicly responded.

Schneider next appears in the Miracle Pictures horror film Grave Robbers. Directed by Wes Craven, the film opens on October 25.

EIC Enjoys Soup for Lunch, Thinking About Greasy Burger for Dinner

December is rapidly approaching and Horizon Pictures still has not announced who the special guests will be for wrestling event TCW XV. A new candidate has entered the speculation.

Some fans are thinking that former wrestling beauty Stacy Keibler's time to reenter the world of the squared circle is coming. Although she has stated that she will not return, could it all be a ruse to garner excitement for the event?

"She got used to living large with George Clooney" explained a friend who wished to remain unnamed. "Stacy would gain some serious cash with one night at TCW XV. It's something to consider."

Representatives from Keibler herself have not returned phone calls concerning this.

Who will the mystery guests be? Will Horizon Pictures let us know? Or will we have to wait until December 20 to find out?

EIC's Tummy Better, Still Appreciates Pic of ScarJo

Actor/humanitarian/prankster George Clooney recently ran into director/beard wearer Steven Spielberg at an HTG hot spot and discovered something interesting.

"Now I know how Steven gets his marvelous ideas" mentioned Clooney. "He has a miniature assistant living in his ear to whisper advice to him when needed!"

Although Spielberg has not responded to the claim, some feel that this would explain how the director is one of the best in the business.

"His vision is magical" stated one fan. "Everything that he touches is a wonder."

Despite the claim and multiple awards to use him for free, Spielberg has not found a lot of work in HTG Hollywood. His last credit on the HTGmdb is in 2007. Why is this so?

"Beats me" ponders the fan. "If I could get Spielberg involved I something that I did, I'd jump at the chance! And for free? Wowee wow!"

EIC Has Upset Tummy, Posts Pic So He Can Nap

New Film Excites Movie Goers, Increases Jolly Ranger Gummie Sales

Sometimes the planning made by a studio chief has to be done quickly. With millions of dollars involved, it's important that these decisions are made properly.

Because of production delays, No Looking Back has been pushed back to a future date by Horizon Pictures. But that would leave October 11 empty. Rather than have that date be without an opening film, Brianc of Horizon Pictures has decided to put together a quick movie. Titled High Stakes, it involves the world of gambling and payment when things don't go to the gambler's wishes.

"I'm glad that we will have something new to look at" stated a movie fan at a local theatre. "Sure, we have lots of movies to look at, but I'm already seem 'em. I look forward to Fridays and the new films."

A Guy Ritchie film, High Stakes enters buzz today.

Is Miley Cyrus a Thief?

Amy the Dog, star of numerous films by Baseball Mogul Productions, claims that Miley Cyrus stole twerking from her.

"I've been doing that for almost my whole life" Amy stated during a recent interview. "I'd have twerk-offs with my bitch friends in the back yard. If anyone thinks Cyrus is being original about this, they're wrong!"

When asked about the casting of this Friday's Saints Dog, Amy was not pleased.

"Voiced by Pauley Perrette? Please! What happened to the days when it was Angelina Jolie? Remember Blind Money? Classic! I guess if Pedro wants to use a TV actress instead of a world-reknown film star, it's his right. Grrr!"

This One Ain't About Bieber, Cauliflower Good Dipped in Ranch Dressing

Alison Brie isn't happy. After gaining friendly status with Pedro of Baseball Mogul Productions and appearing in a number of successful films for him, the actress feels neglected for not being included in the upcoming Saints Dog. The video game adaptation features a number of Pedro regulars, but an eager Brie was left off the cast.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Brie declared. "I've done voice work for Pedro in his Grand Theft Dog movies. Why not Saints Dog? Am I suddenly not good enough?"

"We can't include Miss Brie in every Baseball Mogul project" explained a rep from the company. "She's in plenty of future works. Although we appreciate her eagerness to work, she'll just have to sit one out."

Just in case, however, extra security has been noted at the Baseball Mogul offices.

Saints Dog, an Amyland Studios release, opens Friday.

He Ain't No Jessica Alba, But Here Ya Go

Yet another possibility has come for a special guest at the upcoming TCW XV event.

Wrestling icon Hulk Hogan is no longer employed by TNA Wrestling. Though his contract has expired, it's always a possibility that a new one may be negotiated. Love him or hate him, Hogan's presence at December's TCW XV would be quite exciting for its viewers.

So what does Hogan say?

"Don't count anything out, brother" exclaimed Hogan. "I'm not saying yes. I'm not saying no. Wherever the Hulkster appears, it's going to be a night to remember. Just keep an ear out, you Hulkamaniacs."

If Hogan is negotiating with Horizon Pictures, no one with the studio is saying.

TCW XV opens on December 20.

Slow News Day, Pretty Actress Picture Posted

Geeah. Learn How to Walk!

With the release date coming closer for Baseball Mogul's Serial Killing for Dummies 7, fans of the film series are anxious to hear who will be in it. Rumors say that Justin Bieber has a part, one that Amyland Studios is not denying.

However, during a recent trip to China, another project may feature the young singer.

"We're having a great time here on the Great Wall" stated a bodyguard for Bieber as he helped to carry the lazy tired singer to a high point. "We'd stay for a while, go see other things, but we have to make sure we're back by late December. The Biebs has something goin' on."

Late December? Could Justin Bieber be one of the mystery guests at TCW XV?

If so, Horizon Pictures isn't saying.

"Oh, if Justin was in Boston for the event, I'd soooooo watch it" declared a young fan.

Will we have to wait much longer to know who is in the show? Let's hope not!

TCW XV opens on December 20.

Actress Gets Job, Sends Leftovers Home With Reporter

After years of wait, Denise Richards has finally located employment in HTG Hollywood. Known as much for her relationship with ex-husband Charlie Sheen as her film work, Richards has landed a role in Miracle Pictures' Grave Robbers.

"Denise is thrilled" remarked a friend of the actress. "Audition after audition has proven fruitless. Instead of acting, she's been a mother and not much else. With this big new role, I feel like things are looking bright for her!"

Richards will play Kate Poole, the ungrateful wife to a professional grave robber (Rob Schneider). When the latter takes up a young assistant (Zac Efron), drama develops. The movie is directed by horror master Wes Craven.

Grave Robbers opens on October 25.