Jail Inmate Finds Funds for New Digs After Countless Hours of Making Knockoff Casino T-Shirts and Jogging Suits

A respectable fifty dollars left the Mike Pepsi account today. Pepsi, who has been in the HTG Jail for more than four years, has completed one of the most meaningless transactions in HTG history by purchasing a shack by the pond next to the HTG trash dump. Since this is the first such shack built, who knows what it will feature? A reporter from Happening made his way to the scene to see exactly what.

The atmosphere is delightful, according to the Happening staffer. The breeze coming off of the runoff water is a mixture of discarded DVDs, rusty blue Hondas and unwanted Carrot Top is Scary awards. The patio features a nice view of the area and will be ready once the remainder of the turpentine is washed from the recycled scrap metal walls. Although no furniture has been delivered yet, Men at Work contractors are searching the dump for some.

"I'm so happy to have a place to go once I am released" stated Mike Pepsi from his cell next to multi-account violater Moosey. "I hope no one squats there before I get out."

Goose Has Sent This News About an Upcoming Project. Thanks, Goose. Grab a Kit Kat Out of Petty Cash.

Annasophia Robb won the lead role to star with such talented heavyweights as Samuel L Jackson, Jim Carrey and Angelina Jolie in the upcoming TLM film Alice in La La Land. She beat out such notables as Dakota Fanning, Lilliana Mumy and Abigail Breslin to win the part of Alice.

The story is an adaptation of Lewis Carroll's novel with Los Angeles and Orange County as Wonderland. "It was great to go to all the different locations. I didn't realize there were so many cool places" Robb said.

And was there a favorite place? "I really liked filming at the South Coast Plaza. It was the only place we shot at night. And Disneyland was cool. We filmed early in the morning and then spent the rest of the day at the park." Some of the other locations are Griffin Park, the Queen Mary and the Playboy Mansion.

Alice in La La Land is directed by Terry Gilliam and will be released through Bulletproof Avatar Pictures on September 11.

Good Luck to the Fighting Divas as Football Season Begins. Rah!

With some of the finest vehicles in movie and television history at our disposal, it is easy for residents of HTG Hollywood to get lost in the excitement of driving. But Mayor Megan Fox has hopes that each of us will remember that school is starting and that there will be more pedestrians, generally of student age, on the streets at certain times of day.

"We'd hate to see accidents occur" explained a staff member of city hall. "Hopefully everyone will slow down and keep an eye out for younger citizens going to and from school."

In support of the mayor's wishes, Captain Carl O. Winslow of the HTG Police Department has increased patrols of city streets before and after classtime.

"Anything we can do to help to make our younger townsfolk safe" the police chief remarked. "Just drive safe and you won't have to worry about a ticket. Or worse, hurting someone."

Now We Know Why Tom Cruise Got Up on the Couch and Giggled Like a Madman. Werd, Tom.

It is not the usual policy of What's Happening to copy news provided by another HTG Hollywood news source. But recent word published in Lucian's Musings has brought to light information that has taken the city by storm.

Is that a naked Oprah Winfrey in recently discovered pictures?

Speculation either way has led to a fury of interest in the upcoming Ship of Fooles short story collection titled Running With Scissors, which features the Queen of the Media.

"We're sorry that rumors of the photos have taken over advertising for the film" stated a SoF representative. "But I suppose any publicity is good publicity. We're hoping that people see the movie and judge it as is, not as if one of the talents involved has some risque pictures out there somewhere."

Running With Scissors, produced by Lucian Carter, is scheduled for September 18.