Some Russian Dude Who Resembles Tim Sent This In. Maybe It Was Just Tim in Disguise. Who Knows. So Thanks, Tim/Maybe Tim.

At great expense, an unknown producer has "imported" over a baker's dozen beautiful women to work at the new gentleman's club in town. Though many top reporters have attempted to uncover the identity of the owner, it seems that all of the documents trace back to an undocumented Russian woman who died over 72 years ago.

"Czar's Happy Fun Time", or "CHFT" as the underage patrons call it, opened sometime early last week. Providing music, women, and food (they don't serve liquor as the city officials responsible for giving out licenses were deemed "goody two shoes.")

Every food purchase gives you a slice of bread and free use of a random celebrity who has "passed out" at the club. Celebrities get to go to the super secret back-room where they are given VIP treatment. No one would tell me what goes on back there, but no one has come out conscious. The current cost of a meal is $4 mil.

Some have reported that illegal goods are being sold on the premises. Every item purchased will give a discount on future food purchases. Though I could not find any illegal activity, a man named Boris told me that all goods are one time only, so if they go out of stock a new item will take it's place.

So check out CHFT. Anytime you need to let loose and release all your problems into the world, they can help.

Quantum Removes Sex Ed Teacher From Job, Shares Peanut Butter Cups and Soda

Leann Hunley, or Mrs. Jacobs (as the students like to call her at Hollywood High School), will be leaving her position to participate in the upcoming independent film "The Zen of Travel." Leann will be playing the role of Maria, a "religous restaurant owner who takes in our three young leads." This is the first role for the actress at HTG. Although Leann Hunley couldn't be reached herself, her agent did say "She's very grateful to have the chance to show her stuff here." Leann reportedly beat out Marcia Cross and Kim Cattrall for the role. The Zen of Travel opens July 10th in limited theaters. Jerry Bruckheimer executively produces.

Phae Sends This. Ready, Set, Laser Action!

Have you ever wondered what lies beyond the milky veil of space? Wonder no more. The milky way lies in a dish that is lapped up by the Galactic Cats. When they aren’t battling with each other in the Yarn Wars, they’re setting up training institutions on derelict planets. Phaethon’s Galactic Cat Laser Tag Arcade!TM is one such location.

“Few know of the war that the Galactic Cats are involved in,” says owner Phaethon0017, whose current film Plants vs. Zombies is burning up the box office. “The hairballs these cats cough would eclipse the sun, and their purring would shake our solar orbit.” Crazy as it sounds, scientists say he’s right. Wait, no they don’t.

More harrowing than the dumb concept of an interstellar cat war is a homeless man standing outside of the Arcade. When asked why he is holding a sign that reads “I Wrote Colin’s Comment,” he replied “Got a receipt?” Apparently this man is doing free creative posters and banners for customers of the Arcade who have purchased a token and gift shop item. Why is this happening?

“The prices are high right now because he is doing free creative. I charge $4.5m for doing posters and $2.5m for banners. He’s cutting into my business outside of the store. I need to put costs towards getting a lawyer to counter his claims that he wrote the movie me and… someone else did. It’s shenanigans is what it is!”

Everyone who’s interested in a fun game of laser tag with some awesome celebrities, free creative, and some cool stuff should head over to the Arcade immediately. Dog owners, tie your mutt out front.

And, for one week only, Phaethon is giving an award from his personal collection to each person buying two items from the gift shop.

"Don't wait long!" exclaimed the business owner.

Movie/TV Actor Discovered Alive and Well on Southern Beach

Rumors spread throughout HTG Hollywood late this week that actor Jeff Goldblum, who last appeared in 2007's The Gifted Grafton Owls, had died during a film shoot in northern Canada. Thankfully, the speculation turned out to be a hoax.

Provincial police in British Columbia have reportedly claimed to know nothing of the actor's death where it was to have occured. They stated that they are aware of similar rumors from three to four months ago.

Casting experts throughout the city are also unaware of any film in production that Goldblum is a part of.

Eager to discover the truth from the man himself, reporters from Happening searched for Goldblum, based on information given to them from reliable sources. It turned out that the actor was vacationing in the southern part of the state with a friend. Since the discovery of his location, numerous pictures of Goldblum and his companion in a state of swimming undress have replaced the rumors once travelling across HTG Hollywood.

"I don't know if looking at naked photos of Jeff Goldblum have made my day" a fan of the talent commented, "but at least he's not dead. Now maybe someone will give him a job. I bet he'd make a good Abraham Lincoln or something."

Sully Time (Can't Touch This)

A quick note from the Sully Awards ceremony... Winners for the first installment of the awards are posted here. Congrats to all of the winners and a hats off to Quantum for pulling off the event. We at Happ hope that there is another one.

And Goose Forwards This In. Thanks, Goose. Sorry, Q Ate the Last of the Ice Cream Bars. Maybe Next Time.

Production was moved up for The Kane Files: 10 Digits, just as casting finished. TLM Productions head Goose had been trying to sign Hank Azaria to the project, but couldn't come to terms on money. So, Goose began looking for another actor, when the phone call came in from Lake Hope Features.

"Quantum called me and asked if we could move up the release date from August 7 to July 10." Goose reported." Since filming had already begun, there wasn't much of a problem, except for casting the last role."

The solution came in the form of Gerard Depardeau. He quickly signed on to the project, and will start filming this week. The Kane Files: 10 Digits is a mockumentary directed by Christopher Guest, and stars Christina Applegate as documentary journalist Candace Kane interviewing American's top hand model, Maria Monos Bonita, played by Rosalyn Sanchez. Others signed onto the film are Benjamin Bratt, Kirstie Ally and Lindsay Lohan.

Goose continues to enjoy his success with two films currently in theaters, the crime drama Brothers and the baseball buddy comedy AmateurBall.

Still More News From Quantum. Thanks Quantum. Have a Klondike Bar.

There's nothing to Fear but Fear Itself, right? If you think that, then you're one sad human being. There's lots of other things to be scared about, including Spiders, Vampires, Wolves and Drowning. But the most important thing to be scared of is: Date Changes.

Fear Itself 2, the second installment in the massively popular series, has changed dates, moving from July 3rd to 31st. The change comes after news that one of the shorts is incomplete and creative for the film will not be delivered in time. Yet, for those of you keen to hear new news about the film, this next part of the article is meant for you.

Wilmer Valderamma, known as The Hollywood Stars Star 2nd Baseman "Mickey Dominguez," will be leaving the team to shoot a part in Fear Itself 2. The move comes as a surprise to many as the comedic actor takes a scary turn.

"No, he's not the bad guy in one of the parts of the film," said a Fear Itself associate producer. "He's a heroic leads in one of the shorts." The short in question is being held under wraps, but we have been told that he was cast because of his work on a couple of lower budget RL dramas.

"He's a good actor. He might have been typecast as Fez here, but he's broken the barrier with his performances in The Dead One and Columbus Day. I hope people can see past his popular character and take him more seriously as a three dimensional actor" said another associate producer on the film.

Fear Itself 2 is set for release on July 31st. More news when we get it.

Actor in Debt, Crowd Threatens to Light His Cigarette With a Thousand Torches

Apparently movie stardom doesn't guarantee financial security in these economically troubling times. Actor Michael Madsen, who has appeared in such HTG films as Batman: To Thy Magic, two of the Days films and this year's Are You There, God?, is broke. Not even a cushy job as Club Siberia's manager in his guise as Honolulu Lou Baxter has provided the funds to prevent a bankruptcy. To make matters worse, he owes money to most everyone he has worked with.

"I can't think of anything that can kill a friendship like money" stated 10,000 Cases producer Bryan Bishop at his production office this morning. "Michael owes me a couple mil. I doubt Harmer or McConaughey will be talking to him soon, 'cause he's in debt to both of them. I hear he owes Chris $5 million and Matthew a painful $20 million. I think they can forget about getting their cash back."

Attendance at Club Siberia has dwindled because of Madsen's bad money habits. Rumor has it that owners are looking to replace him as the manager of the once exlusive nightclub.

"He'll let anyone into the back room now" a partier complained, commenting on a recent visit. "It used to be the place to go to see the tops in HTG Hollywood. Last week I saw my garbage man back there, wearing the same overalls he used that day to haul my trash away. That's not exclusive. I bet there's a lot of money being paid to Madsen. And he's broke? What is he doing with the dough? Eating it?"

Maybe They Should Have Sold Her. That Would Teach Her.

Executives at Miracle Pictures Studio are scrambling to ease tensions caused by actress Kristen Bell during a visit to the United Arab Emirates. Overseas to publicize the upcoming 10,000 Cases horror film Scream Bloody Murder, Kristen and other females with the group were warned that there were strict laws concerning them revealing their form in public. Assistants believed that everyone understood the warning, but as soon as Bell finished her interviews for the day, she hit the beach in a bikini.

"The locals were in shock" remarked one studio staffer on the scene. "It wasn't something that they were accustomed to."

After thirty minutes in the water, Bell was convinced to get back to the hotel, wrapped in a large robe.

"She was warned that Western tourists have been jailed for ignoring the rules" continued the MP staff member. "So far we've kept her out of jail. We hope to leave the country soon to avoid any possible trouble. Perhaps Kristen got into her role as the lying bitch whore Jenny so much that she doesn't care what others think. Who knows."

Scream Bloody Murder opens on July 17.

BAR BAR SWEET POTATO PIE! New Prizes Mean More Fun at HTG Casino

Among several updates done throughout the site over the last couple of days has been additions to the possible spins at HTG's automatic casino.

"It's a balance between good and not-so-good" stated the updater responsible for the new casino products. "We strive to make some things available to make the risk worth it. Most people, with time, will walk away with something that they enjoy. It just might take a carload of cash, though."

HTG residents wishing to visit the casino may do so here.

I Have Enough Saliva For the Two of Us. Trust Me. I Wouldn't Lie About a Thing Like That.

Because of numerous calls and emails sent to the Happening office over the last few days, it was decided to remove the unclothed picture of Larry the Cable Guy from this news source.

"We've got to listen to our readers" explained Happ EIC Marlowe. "They're the ones who keep this thing going. If they don't want naked Larry the Cable Guy photos, I'll support them back by not publishing them."

The Larry the Cable Guy photo was placed at the bottom of this page in conjunction with the upcoming Miracle Pictures film Plants vs. Zombies, a Phaethon/Tour Films production. The offending picture was replaced this morning with a more enjoyable one.

"If people complain about that one, well, I don't know what we're going to do."

And It Doesn't Even Have to Mention Megan Fox or Chris Harmer

In case readers haven't seen the announcement on the original Happening blog, this HTG news source is officially moving to this location. Until all of the drop down menus on the HTG site can be changed, readers might want to bookmark this page.

The former site will remain open as an archive of articles going back all the way to September 2004. That's 4 years and 9 months!

Thanks to all for their support of What's Happening in HTG Town. Feel free to contribute news whenever you desire.

More News From Quantum. He's a Busy Guy. Kinda Like Ryan Seacrest. Bad Example? Hmmm.

Production began a little over a week ago in Little Rock, Arkansas on the new independent film "The Zen of Travel" from Raptor Inc. The film marks the first time Raptor Inc. has dwelled into independent territory.

"It's just a matter of timing," said Quantum. "We had it set up at a studio for a brief period and then we had it set it up at DRTV. But we ultimately felt that the film deserved an avenue of release." That's when the LHF/DRTV chief stumbled upon an arthouse independent release award.

"We've had some people ask us why not release it through LHF? I simply state we don't have the room" commented Quantum on set of The Zen of Travel.

As many people know, Lake Hope Features has a full slate headed into the summer months, including arthouse releases The Cabin In the Middle of Nowhere and The Kane Files: 10 Digits.

The Zen of Travel is being led by first time HTG director Christine Jeffs (Sunshine Cleaning and Sylvia). The film marks the theatrical debuts of Arlen Escarpeta (Super), Gabrielle Christian (Emerald City) as well as the first starring turn for Danielle Harris (Someone To Play With).

Expect more news on the release in the coming weeks. The Zen of Travel comes out July 10th.

Maybe It Was Carved Out of Sharp Cheddar. Notice the Cheese Theme? I Like Cheese, No Doubt.

Nominees for the first round of Sully Awards have been announced. Celebrating the best/most enjoyed of HTG TV, categories range from best in acting to best advertising. To view the nomination list and links where you can vote, visit here. Don't wait too long, because votes are only accepted through the end of Friday the 26th.

"I hope that remote works if I get one" remarked one nominee in HTG Chat. "I lost mine and would love to have a fancy one like that. It sure beats going down to the discount store to buy one, that's for sure."

"I wonder if Bill Hader will be doing any of his SNL schtick at the awards ceremony" pondered another chatter. "That Vincent Price thing that he does is worth a few giggles."

The Sullys award ceremony will be held on Sunday the 27th. Keep an eye on the message board for further details.

Award Use Gains Video Game Rights for HTG Producer

Ritchie Steven, one half of the prestigious Flip Brothers dynasty, has recently gained access to video game franchise Streets of Rage. Originally released by Sega in 1991, the game was rereleased for the Wii in 2007. The game also saw comic book exposure in the early 90's.

The plot, according to Wikipedia:

"What was once a happy, peaceful, productive city, full of life and activity, has fallen into the hands of a secret criminal syndicate. The leader of the syndicate has somehow managed to keep his identity a secret. The organization soon absorbed the city government (anyone can be had if the price is right). They even had the metropolitan police force in their back pocket. Looting, random violence and destruction are rampant. No one is safe walking the streets, day or night. As the chaos continued at full strength, three young police officers tried to establish a special attack unit. They were repeatedly turned down by their superiors, most of whom had been bought by the organization or were too afraid to make a stand. One day, when they could no longer stand by and watch their city being demolished, they quit the force! Adam Hunter, Axel Stone and Blaze Fielding decided to forgo their careers in legal law enforcement and put their lives on the line. They are without weapons, but each possesses great hand-to-hand combat abilities. Take them into the heart of the city and battle the most dangerous wave of bad dudes and chicks ever assembled. Make the city a place where people no longer have to walk the Streets of Rage!"

The project is in its early stages, so RS does not know when a Streets of Rage film would hit the theatres.

"I hope it's this summer" declared a movie/game lover. "Three ex-cops hitting the streets to kick ass? I'm there!"

Hubba Hubba

In a recent post in Happening, it was reported that scenes of an unclothed Larry the Cable Guy had been made public. Miracle Pictures chief Marlowe expressed concern for the photos, but conceded the "right to know and possibly be blinded" of the public. The redneck actor, one of the stars of the upcoming Plants vs. Zombies film, would soon find himself knocked from the attention of eager movie fans during an early screening of the Tour Films movie. Actresses Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman, who have supporting roles in PvZ, seemed overly affectionate on the red carpet.

"They was makin' out!" exclaimed an amazed fan, dressed in jeans and a sleeveless shirt. "I was like, wow, totally shocked. I had to replenish my Skoal to make sure that I wasn't halloo... haleoo.. uh, seeing things."

It was later discovered that the pair had only shared a short kiss, a friendly greeting at the happy occasion. After the premeire of the movie, however, Johansson was seen rushing away from the event.

"I guess she thought we had cut those nude scenes of hers" director Tim Burton commented. "I don't know why; they were special. I'm thinking that if she didn't want to be seen nude, she shouldn't have been nude to start with."

When asked about the difference between nude pictures of Larry the Cable Guy and of Scarlett Johansson, Marlowe had a simple response.

"You're kidding me, right?"

Plants vs. Zombies opens to the public next Friday.

It Looks Like the Award Artist Got Cheetos Dust All Over It. Werd.

There's a new award in town and it's called a Sully, given for merit in various television categories. Engineered by an eager and hopeful Quantum, nominations are still being accepted through the end of Saturday. If you haven't seen the details, you can find them here.

Do ratings equal awards? Or will they go to the shows/people most enjoyed that didn't necessarily get the best ratings each week? TV networks and show producers are anxious to find out. There's still some time for the ceremony, but speculation in HTG Chat is that nominations will include shows by people who did the nominating.

The date for the Bill Hader hosted event has not been announced.

Not Only Did He Lose Weight, But He Doesn't Smell Like Old Cheese Anymore. Huh.

Owning the collected works of TV series Saturday Night Live did not come cheap to producer Marlowe of Miracle Pictures, but the longtime HTG resident feels that the investment in the franchise will eventually pay off.

"There's so much that you can do with it" Marlowe explained. "Among all of the skits and performances that make you roll your eyes, a gem occasionally shines through. I've been searching for the next Blues Brothers or Waynes's World. It's out there somewhere. It'll just take some work to find it."

Marlowe did confess that he had started a handful of SNL-related projects and had even told producers with ideas to come up with what they could. A few of Marlowe's ideas required the use of former SNL cast member Horatio Sanz.

"I would need a heavy guy, someone enjoyable and capable of doing what I had planned. But when I saw Horatio on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, I knew that those plans were for naught. I had heard that he had lost some weight, but what he's done is remarkable. I guess I'll have to figure out how to make the possible roles ones that a thinner guy could do or to find another large guy."

Sanz last appeared in the pilot for HTG TV smash Snobs.

"I watched that show, honest" concluded Marlowe. "Maybe I should pay better attention next season."

Nude Pics of PvZ Star Hit Internet

When rumors of risque photos of an HTG talent spread across our city, it was nothing new. But when the alleged pictures included a star of the upcoming horror-comedy film Plants vs. Zombies, Miracle Pictures studio chief Marlowe took heed.

"We naturally have to protect the image of the celebrities in our features" began Marlowe. "That especially includes talents in movies that are about to hit theatres."

What makes the rumors especially delicate is the identity of the picture subject. Could it be our beloved city leader, Megan Fox? How about stunning Scarlett Johansson?

"Oh, I wish!" Marlowe exclaimed when he heard the names of the actresses. "But it's not true. Believe it or not, the talent in the photos in question is the redneck comedy mainstay Larry the Cable Guy."

When one of the pictures was presented to Marlowe for examination, the HTG veteran seemed almost apathetic.

"I guess it could be worse" he stated. "But when you have a level of noteriety, such things will happen. I don't think that it will hinder the success of Pheathon's film. It's quite entertaining."

[For those curious enough to want to see one of the photos, scroll down to the bottom of this front page. It is an HTG friendly photo.]

Plants vs. Zombies, a Tour Films production, is directed by Tim Burton and will open on June 26.

Are Pics of the Mayor in Jeopardy?

There has been some concern sent to the staff of Happening that we will no longer post pictures of Megan Fox if we make the move to this location. Let us assure our readers that, yes, we will continue to make pictures of our city's leader available to all who wish to keep abreast of what's happening in HTG Hollywood.

"I think it's a must that Mayor Fox remains visible to all citizens" a Happening staff member offered during an afternoon meeting. "We're civic minded. Not posting those pics would be wrong and uncivil."

But Don't Do It in a Crammed Auditorium. That Might Annoy Others. That's My Guess.

With the success of horror thriller Drag Me to Hell, it took Sam Raimi little time to find a new scare flick to helm. Raimi has been hired to direct Scream Bloody Murder, the newest production of Puzzle Factory author Bryan Bishop.

"Scream Bloody Murder is reminiscent of Drag Me to Hell, Army of Darkness and Final Destination" commented a representative of Miracle Pictures, the studio behind the release. "The film has its frightful moments. It has a few classic Raimi chuckles. And you know darn well that there's going to be some deaths. And, my oh my, what kind of deaths they are."

Along with Sam Raimi standards Bruce Campbell and brother Ted Raimi, Bishop himself has been pegged for a role.

"Bryan will play a young man who doesn't know when to keep his trap shut, to put it mildly" the studio rep continued. "Plus we have Kristen Bell in a role that gets the big drama started. There's a little mystery going on, but the key of the movie is guessing who's next to... well, you'll have to wait for the movie to see."

Scream Bloody Murder is currently scheduled for a late July release.

It Wouldn't Be Happening Without Q. Thanks, Q. Have a High Five On Me.

Martin Sheen will be leaving the HTG Armory to film a role in Fear Itself 2. He is set to play a police chief in Goose's Fear Itself 2 segment entitled "Beautiful Scrumptious." Although details are being kept under wraps, sources indicate that it will be a "Vampire Tale." Will it be Twilight vampires or 30 Days of Night vampires? Only time will tell.

Martin Sheen is reportedly ecstatic about being cast in the film. Sources say that he narrowly beat out Brian Cox and Dennis Haskins for the role of the police chief.

"I'm grateful for the opportunity to work with the amazing creative team behind Fear Itself 2" the veteran actor commented.

The creative team is made up veteran horror producers that include Kaven (To The Edge), Trax (First Flight), Quantum (That Carnies Show), and of course Goose (Someone To Play With). The film will be released through Checkmate Pictures (Hell Night). Expect more casting announcements in the weeks leading up to the release. The film is scheduled for July 3rd.

Czartim Gives Us Some News Concerning Snobs. And Also the Opportunity to Have a Long Article Title. Hey, That's What We Do.

Ritchie Steven Presents "Horror Hour" has consistently been one of the top shows on HTG:TV. This season has been no different, which is why it came as a shock when RS revealed that it would be the last season of the show.

"It's a fan favorite, and FBTV's top rated show by quiet a large margin," HTG Archive's TV Nerd tells us. However, this season it received some criticism for switching to a half hour format. As Best Critic, Lucian, put it in one of his reviews, "It's weird to have a show called Horror Hour be half an hour long."

This maybe one of the reasons why RS ultimately changed his mind. "I was gonna end Horror Hour, but I didn't get to end it how it should, so I'm gonna do it for at least one more season, [to give the show] a proper ending," he announced in the HTG Chat. Normally this wouldn't have been a problem, but CzarTim of But Alas Pictures had a conflicting idea.

"As Snobs was wrapping up its first season, I started looking towards the future. One thing was clear, that I was going to introduce more characters."

The problem being that one of the actresses that CzarTim wanted to join the cast was Emilie de Ravin, who is currently on Horror Hour.

"Horror Hour typically recasts everyone but Ryan Reynolds each season," TV Nerd told us, "But after Czar started to ask around to make sure the show was over, so he could sign Emilie, RS decides to not only keep the show going, but also to keep her signed on to the cast."

But Alas Pictures had to scramble. Her character was already introduced in the season finale of Snobs, which aired this week.

"I either had to figure out a way to sign her on the show or write her as a guest star, which would have been annoying from a creative stand point. Sometimes you get so attached to an actor or actress for a part, that it's hard to even consider anyone else for the role. I don't know why that happened here, it just did."

Friends close to the producer say that he spent over 60 million dollars looking for a way to get her on to the show with out luck. RS then mentioned to DRTV Network Head, Quantum, that he would be willing to part with the actress if a backlot was purchased for FBTV.

"[I] wanted to make sure it did something good for the show, because it'll lose something," explained RS.

The backlot, estimated at 15 million dollars, was purchased earlier today. As reported here last month, Snobs, which after five weeks is the number one series on HTG:TV, has already been picked up for a second season by DRTV. However, the show will not be extended to an hour, as was rumored at the time. The show is making the surprising change in genre, going from a comedy into drama, as teased in the season finale.

"I don't really like to classify it as anything. The show will still have funny parts, just like it had serious parts when labeled as a comedy. I just want to write the characters -- to tell their story -- describe it however you want."

No more information has been given for season two of Snobs, but be sure to check out all seven episodes of season one only on DRTV. Keep your eyes peeled to Happs for the full cast list, which will be revealed soon.

(Temporary?) Move of Happening

Since September of 2004 we've had Happening in the same location. That's right, 4 years and 9 months. But a couple nights ago Blogsome, the blog host to the news site, had a problem with the server that Happ is on. Some readers don't see it, but the layout is skewed to the left margin, with the frame still in the same place. And updating's not working as it should. Other Blogsome users are having the same trouble. I have not been able to contact Blogsome. They've made it impossible to do so.

Well, the news must go on. So here we go, on Blogger, to continue on. If Blogsome gets fixed, we may return. Or we may not. At least we have this.

So on with the news!