Megastar Attacked at Construction Site

Tom Cruise was assaulted in Downtown HTG Hollywood last night, but the actor was not injured in the melee.

Cruise was reportedly charged at by a distraught visitor to the area while both were viewing work done downtown.

According to witnesses, the attacker rushed at Cruise, grabbed his shirt and tried to tackle him. A security guard intervened and pulled the man off of Cruise, who allegedly tried to defend himself by singing a medley of Britney Spears tunes. The attacker was taken to Police HQ, where he was booked and spent the night in jail.

"I think he was upset about Mr. Cruise's successful appearance in Poop: The Sequel" a representative for the actor stated.

Tom Cruise will next appear in Dead Island DC in September. He will portray Tim Wyland, a scientist who seeks to gain revenge on the zombie king that ate his wife.

"It's a great horror-action piece," the spokesman continued. "It's a pity that these parts only come along twice a month."

Host Found for SNL Opener?

"Amy the Dog has been asked to host the season opener to Saturday Night Live" according to HTG Hollywood semi-periodical The Hollywood Pit. The news source, which previously claimed that Amy was a hitdog for the CIA, quotes an anonymous source stating that Amy and TV executives are negotiating for Amy to take on the duty.

Unfortunately, the story doesn't hold water. According to SNL sources, no one has yet to be approached for the hosting of the season's first episode. And, according to Amy's representatives, the canine actress and feline AIDS spokesdog is too busy filming the next installment of the War Dogs franchise titled War Dogs 6: The Revenge of Liberace.

For those wanting an Amy fix, she can currently be seen in Raisin in the Sun: The California Grapes Story.

New Studio Pushes Limits in New Film

Newly created Horizon Pictures continues to make waves with the coming release of Absent Delirium. Tagged as "One night, make a fateful decision." Queries to the studio were unanswered as of this writing, but Happening reporter Buzz was able to piece together information about the film.

"It's got an all-female cast and that brief storyline" explained the veteran journalist. "It's obviously about budding lesbianism. With Ship of Foole's track history of pushing the edge, there can be no other explanation."

Will the Arthouse film recoup its funding? Most likely, according to Buzz.

"Look at how well those lesbian dog movies do for Pedro. HTG citizens sure have interesting tastes, that's for sure."

Absent Delirium is slated for a September 13 release.

Where's the Woll?

Tesla is returning to the big screen with his new cop actioneer Cloud City. Starring Ben Stiller, the story focuses on a dystopian future where only men with moustaches and fluffed hair are allowed to fight crime.

"I tried to make a commentary based on my recent experience in the Netherlands," stated the producer. "I'm pleased that Ben and I shared the same vision. His ability to grow a moustache on such short notice is a testament to his acting ability."

Of special note is that actress Deborah Van Woll will not be appearing in a Baseball Mogul Studios release for the first time in eighty-five films (over the last four months). Has a rift been caused between studio chief Pedro and the star?

"No, she's in plenty of our movies," explained the prolific Pedro. "I didn't write this movie, so it was bound to eventually happen. I'm tickled that our relationship with Miss Woll is stronger than ever. She can next be seen in Serial Killing for War Dogs 4, where she reprises her role as Titters."

Cloud City is now in theatres.

Is There a New Batman in Town?

Real world Hollywood and our own HTG Hollywood occasionally blurs its borders. Sometimes a project in one reality can be similar to another in certain characteristics. It has happened again, learning from a recent announcement by Warner Brothers Pictures.

WB has stated that their new Batman, replacing the recent Christina Bale, in the upcoming Superman-Batman film will be none other than Ben Affleck. Still trying to live his Daredevil role down, perhaps this new performance will eliminate that superhero movie memory from moviegoers' minds.

Coincidentally, it is the actor's brother Casey who has portrayed the Dark Knight in six HTG films from Flip Brothers Studio. Will this new announcement by Warner Brothers give the Flips a reason to put another Batman film on HTG screens?

Speaking anonymously, a representative of that studio has said yes and no.

"We do have ideas for more Batman films," the spokesman explained, "but it won't be with Casey Affleck. We wish to put that part of the franchise behind us, mostly due to bad memories of another participant. We will eventually cast a new actor, but only when the script is at a point that we are confident to do so."

A person from rival Amyland Studios has his own idea for that casting.

"They should have just women in all of the parts. Bruce Wayne, Alfred, everyone. I think that Parker Posey would be a great Batman. They should look into that. And, oh... bobo."

Happening reporters will keep track of this story as it develops.

Injury Sidelines Actress for Weekend

Saddle Tramp actress Jill Wagner dislocated her shoulder during a photo shoot promoting her new film, and the entire incident was captured on video.

"Those shoots can be dangerous" explained Wagner in an interview with a Happening reporter. "I laughed, once I had some pain killer in me."

Wagner portrays Suzanne Winston in the Western, based on a song by Baskin Robbins. Producer Teufel originally planned for the story to be told on HTG TV, but felt the big screen was the proper place for it.

"I don't think it has anything to do with money" continued Wagner. "But he already has a sequel lined up... Saddle Tramp 2: Electric Boogaloo."

Saddle Tramp is currently in theatres.

Can It Be True?

In an exclusive interview with an employee at Ship of Fooles (who wishes to remain anonymous), intrepid Happening reporter Buzz has discovered that producer Lucian will be following his movie Car Wars with an animated series of the same, as early as next season.

Allegedly voiced by former members of Saturday Night Live, auto combatants and mechanics will feature the likes of Bill Hader, Andy Samberg, Jason Sudekis and Keenan Thompson.

"We tried to get Randy Quaid" the secret source stated, "but he's refusing to leave his hideaway. He thinks he still has a death sentence on his head. Coincidentally, the character that he would be playing, Tomb Raider, does have a price on his head. The role will be taken by Anthony Michael Hall instead."

Calls to SoF head Lucian have not been returned as of this writing. Here's hoping that this news turns out to be true!