Sunday, September 28, 2014

Let's Get It On!

With yet another Poop-themed movie in theatres, has producer Marlowe decided to come up with more?

"Poop: The Western is the last one that I had written," the long-time resident of HTG Hollywood stated over a mound of BBQ brisket at Carne Diem. "But, you never know, right? Let's see if other producers step up and get content into the theatres."

Rumors have been crossing the city that Marlowe indeed does have a new Poop film in mind... an event parody. Comedian Ralphie May, who had a supporting role in Poop: Worst of the Litter, is said to have been approached to play a professional grappler.

"Me?" exclaimed the comic, who recently lost a considerable amount of weight. "I don't think so. Maybe Louie Anderson. Ask him. He was in that Litter movie with me and we all had a good time. But I'm moving on the other roles. I hear there's an award out there that would benefit a producer and studio greatly if they hired me. Juicy. I'm holding on for that."

Reports that representatives from Miracle Pictures scouting arena locations have not been verified.

Poop: The Western and Poop: Worst of the Litter are currently in theatres.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Choppin' Broccoli...

Justin Bieber usually does not appear in the press unless he's done something wrong. "It's the price of fame," according to one of his spokespeople. But info concerning the Biebs has arrived to this news source that is not unpleasant.

In preparation for the upcoming Miracle Pictures film Poop: The Western, the singer/actor/bad driver cooked dinner for many of the cast and crew.

"It was platypus and broccoli" explained studio chief/producer Marlowe, who attended the gathering. "Not bad. I was more than happy to give it a try, because I hear that those beasts are smug bastards."

"Just call me Chef Bieber" proclaimed Justin as he served the meal.

Bieber is a supporting character in the film, a mock western. He plays The Kid, a young gunslinger who assists a sheriff portrayed by Bruce Campbell (who was unable to attend the party due to commitments at the Malibu Sausage Appreciation Meeting held once a month at Chris Harmer's house).

"I've had the thing finished for months" Marlowe explained. "When Pedro postponed a film of his, it left the weekend open. I hate when that happens too often. So I slid this in."

"I hear Hulk Hogan rips his shirt off in this" shouted a dinner guest, apparently inebriated on Diet Shasta and tequila.

Poop: The Western opens on Friday the 19th.

Wrestler Viction of Death Hoax, Blames Netflix and Diet Fresca

TCW World Heavyweight Champion Tommy Cornell is the Internet's latest victim of a death hoax.

On Wednesday morning, #RIPTommyCornell began trending nationwide on Twitter, alarming wrestling fans. The hoax came with a fake post on another news site, claiming that he died in a “fiery car crash".

It is 100 percent NOT TRUE.

Cornell is very much still alive. The wrestler and TCW majority stockholder has yet to issue a comment concerning the distasteful news.

TCW 85, opening on September 26, will feature a Beat the Clock challenge with three matches. Whoever wins in the shortest amount of time becomes the new number one contender to Tommy Cornell's World Heavyweight Championship and will face the confident Cornell in an Inferno match at TCW Hotter than Hell (part II).

"These rumors have got to stop" declared a wrestling fan at a local gym. "Some people are just sick."

Keep an eye out for further development in this incident.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Canine Actress Has Ruff Week

Little One, featured in the recent Amyland Studios outing Dog Party, was involved in another car accident earlier this week. On Wednesday, her brand new F-150 reportedly sustained thousands of dollars in damage when another driver swerved into Little One's lane and struck her vehicle. The young star has had more than her share of trouble on the road.

Earlier this year, Little One got into a three-car accident when she crashed her Volkswagon bug into the back of another auto. In April, she was pulled over for speeding. And in July, Little One was accused of throwing half-eated Milk Bone dog biscuits out of her window, striking another car and causing it to crash into a tree.

"I think she's too young too drive" commented famed dog entertainer Amy.

"What do you expect?" asked Little One. "I'm just a tiny dog and I have no thumbs!"

Little One and Amy will return to the big screen in Baseball Mogul's The Color of Amy, coming soon.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Shirt and Shoes? Not Required. Teeth? Don't Be Puttin' on Airs!

Newcomers Chester and Lester Bestertester may be new to HTG Hollywood, but they have already parlayed their experiences into a motion picture.

"We're mighty fortunate" explained the brother with the suspenders.

"That's true" added the brother with the do-it-yourself dental work. "We walked into lots of offices and they'd just yell at us."

"He's right" continued the first man. "They'd say 'Hey, we're a copy shop!' and 'Get lost, we sell coffee, not movies!'"

According to the two immigrants from the country's center, it took a few weeks before they managed to sell their idea.

"It's about life back home and all that. You know, workin' on the farm. Fetchin' water down at the crick. Taking your cousin to the dance. Typical growin' up stuff."

Although a release date has not been set for Hills: Ozarks, they're hoping that the releases of the Mountains films helps their cause.

"You hear a lot of them fellas sayin' Ozark Mountains. But we just say hills. That's why we called our movie what we did. That and we didn't want to hog in on any rights with them there Mountains fellas. The last thing we need is another feud."

Readers are asked to keep an eye on HTG Hollywood news for further details on this new film.