Chris Harmer Linked to Whale Obsession?

Mega-producer/actor/studio chief Chris Harmer does not spend his free time drawing sketches of whales, despite a false new report seen elsewhere in HTG Hollywood. According to a spokesperson at Jade Falcon Productions (recently opening superhero hit Arsenal of Freedom), the claim is completely made up.

According to the inaccurate claim, Harmer is obsessed with drawing different styles of whales, some serious and some cute, and has developed a reputation for it. A so-called insider to the native Canadian tells falsely said that Harmer will draw the large aquatic mammals on anything, except the most essential documents, though he’ll occasionally doodle a whale instead on signing his initials on important papers. There are further claims that Harmer “never gets tired of it” and “cracks up every time he does it.”

The previously mentioned JF source told the Happ offices that the whale's tale is “made up.”

"As long as this silliness doesn't delay some more Harmer goodness," a local movie viewer commented, "I don't care. I can't wait to see what Harmony releases or gets produced by Jade Falcon. Or what Harmer's next big screen roll is. If he's connected to a project, I'm there."

Maybe There Was Sausage Up His Nostrils

Generally, we do not hear about Christian Bale in the news unless it's about the intense level that he takes in his acting. However, with the conclusion of Amyland Studio's monkey comedy S***ball 2, word has reached the Happening offices that an event on set nearly cost Bale a serious injury. According to a film crew member, a dog that appeared in the movie nearly ate Bale's nose when the actor picked him up.

"We told him to leave Roscoe alone" the film employed informed us, under condition of anonymity. "That dog sure was temperamental. But, no, Bale picked him up and gave Roscoe the stare-down. The dog took a nip at Bale's face, nearly getting a chunk of nose. That taught an important lesson. I think Bale's more careful now with animals that he doesn't really know."

The John Waters-directed S***ball 2, the sequel to S***ball, recently left HTG theatres. It raked in an impressive 327 million dollars at the box office.

"I'm telling ya," remarked a local movie goer, "them monkey movies are gold. I can't wait to see another."

Franchise Purchase Means Taco Tuesdays Will Remain at Studio Cafeteria

After a recent set of negotiations, Possum Lodge Studios has just become owners of Misfits of Science, an NBC television show from the mid Eighties. The short-lived series, which featured a young Courtney Cox, centered around a set of superpowered individuals and their crazy adventures.

PL chief Lucian has not stated yet where he is going with the franchise. But some investigation from Happening has uncovered some plot points.

The new version of the show will feature a team lead by Donald Trump, who had lost the GOP nomination for President. Unknown to most of the world, the mogul has the power to run electricity through his body, often to his disadvantage.

Team members will include an unnamed Kardasian, who has the power to convince people that she is famous, but has to skill to justify it. Chef Gordon Ramsey will play a man who can only get people's attention if he yells at them. And Jonah Hill is rumored to portray a habitual overeater who can only lose weight if an Academy Award nomination is in his future.

Stay tuned for more information about new possible characters, a plotline and Lucian's recipe for baked potato and bacon appetizers.

Almost Three Months Later and I'm Still Writing About Harmer. Go Figure.

There's a new studio in town and HTG movie fans are excited. Taking over the now defunct Four Tops Studios, ace producer/entertainer Chris Harmer will be releasing movies under the name Harmony Films.

"A new go-get-'em chief is sure to inject some juice into the theatres," commented an anonymous HTG hotshot. "Chris has plans already for a couple productions, plus rumor has it that he'll also be dipping his toe into the critic pool."

Although rumors are bouncing around like Tigger after ten bottles of Mountain Dew, it's said that the first Harmony release will be a sci-fi action blockbuster. A so-far untitled pussy cats vs. Godzilla epic may be seen in theatres this Spring.

"Oh, man, I sure would watch that" declared a local movie goer. "Add some of that Arsenel of Freedom action and we'll have a hit for sure."

Representatives from Harmony Films have not replied as of this writing concerning the rumors.

This HTG news source would like to wish Mr. Harmer the best of luck in his studio efforts.

Protests Erupt at Local Theatre, Breakfast Sandwiches Served to Onlookers With Coupons

Sign-holding protesters arrived early on Friday in front of an HTG Hollywood theatre to voice their disappointment in an upcoming Possum Lodge Studios release, XXC: Women on Top. The crowd, composed mostly of women, believe that the theatre, just five blocks from an elementary school, is preparing to show an adult film.

"Women on Top?" one protestor angrily cried. "That's disgusting! They proudly promote the filth. And they know good and well that children come by here! They need to put a stop to this right now!"

A representative from Ship of Fooles Productions was quick to disagree with the assessment given by the protesters.

"XCC: Women on Top will be the newest documentary in the studio's MMA franchise" the rep explained. "There's nothing 'adult' about it. The women will be involved in mixed martial arts. Leona Deschanel and Tracy Garcia will be battling it out. Nothing friendly about that. There will be some talk about it, including from color commentator Steven Seagal, fan Howie Mandel and narrator/producer Lucian Carter. It's a sports documentary. That simple."

When the protestors were informed of the confusion, many left. But others remained.

"Look at those skimpy outfits!" a woman shouted. "It's just sex sex sex with these people. We have to think of the children!"

Discussions are currently being held between the protestors and the studio. XCC: Women on Top will open on October 30. It is currently up for buzz vote.

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