Grilled Hamburgers for Lunch Today. Yum Yum.

With Spring rapidly approaching, HTG is seeing an influx of movie advertisements. Among those is a new PJ Flip/Flip Brothers release Fear the Reaper. Mark Wahlberg is set to star as Jack McGraw, a former police detective forced to become a vigilante superhero. Calling himself Eiffel Tower Archer Man, McGraw is out to get the person responsible for his shooting of a boy during a police chase.

"I guess he's looking for himself" stated a worker on the film set. "That gets overlooked, though. Markie's taking on a French accent when he's in his superhero costume, but the Boston voice is just too strong. Talk about distracting, huh."

Also starring in Fear the Reaper are Amanda Seyfried, Lucy Hale and Woody Harrelson as humble Boston bartender Woody. A release date has not been set as of this writing.

You Love Harrison Ford Movies? I Know.

Cherished actor Harrison Ford is under investigation after a recent incident in HTG Hollywood. While driving his '98 Fiat on Monroe Drive, Ford lost control and ventured up onto the sidewalk. No one was hurt, but a few of the stars on the F-M Walk of Fame were scuffed.

"It was quite scary" stated a witness to the event. "That Han Solo guy just drove up onto the sidewalk and ran into a utility pole. If that wasn't there, who knows what would have happened. He stumbled out of the car and starting yelling something about being denied membership to some club. The police came and let him go with a warning. I guess it pays to be a celebrity, huh."

Ford is scheduled to appear in the upcoming The Chris Harmer Mysteries: The Case of the Missing Pooch. The third installment of the series will be released by Miracle Pictures in the Spring.

This Sepia Filtered Picture of My Breakfast Oatmeal Makes Me Gag. Should Have Used Porter.

Whoopi Goldberg is not working on a nude exercise book, despite a report printed in another HTG news source. A supposed “source” is quoted in that other source as claiming Goldberg is a fan of Bill Goldberg's (no relation) book, Tough Buff, and alleges the Two Sisters star “wants to do a exercise book and pose naked with all the workouts.” The purported tipster even says Goldberg is convinced “her concept will succeed because she thinks she’s in the best shape of her life after sitting on her ass for years complaining on a morning talk show.”

Yes, Goldberg enjoys exercise. Yes, she looks buff. But representatives of the comedienne/actress assure us that the book is not forthcoming. Her recent time has been spent concentrating on Two Sisters: Election Night, an upcoming feature from Horizon Pictures by Richard Van Den. Also starring are Angela Bassett, Viola Davis and Alec Baldwin. It is set for release on March 17.

This Rerun of Modern Family is Hilarious. TWO Jokes About Single Gloves With Sequins. Rock It.

Controversy has erupted in HTG Hollywood as protests continue outside of theatres showing the new Flip Brothers release Press Start. According to Norma Thrillgood of The Organization of Women Who Whine About Whatever, Press Start is causing excess aggression in children who view the movie.

"My little boy Joey saw the film on Saturday," complained Thrillgood. "And that evening he complained about taking out the trash. That's unheard of in our house. The film obviously caused Joey to lash out at his parents. Unforgiveable."

According to theatre operators, the protests have been small and have not caused a loss in box office for Press Start.

"People just walk by 'em" stated on theatre manager. "The only loss that I have noticed is a decrease in Twizzler sales. But I think that's simply because we ran out of 'em on Sunday. We'll get more on Tuesday."

The video game related Press Start, starring Zachary Levi, is a PJ Flip movie in theatres now.

It Got Chilly Last Night. Needed to Put Sweat Pants On. Brrr.

Promoting an upcoming movie is tiring work, but necessary to ensure the film's success at the box office. The Flip Brothers release of Press Start is on Friday. Last-minute shilling of the video-game oriented project is extremely important at this time. But Ryan Reynolds, who is labelled as "Mikey" in the movie, has removed himself from the press tour.

"I'm not totally sure why Ryan did that" stated a representative from FBS. "But rumor has it that he and his wife, the lovely Blake Lively, got into an argument and needed to hash some things out. Get this... The rumor is that Blake announced to her husband that she has a crush on the one and only Chris Harmer. Can you believe it? If I was Ryan and that was true, I'd be upset also."

A call to the camp of Reynolds and Lively had not been returned as of this writing.

Further gossip is that Blake Lively had been forced to drop from her role in the upcoming Chris Harmer Mysteries film, slated for a Spring release. This had fuelled the crush rumor.

Reynolds new film, Press Start, opens tomorrow. It is a production of PJ Flip.

My Feet Are Cold. Maybe I Should Put Socks On.

In a surprise announcement made on his Tweetum account on Tuesday morning, HTG mega-producer informed his many fans that he will not be attending the annual Chris Harmer Barbeque For the Benefit of People Who Need Assistance. Scheduled for mid-April, the yearly event provides some of the best eating in HTG Hollwood, while helping those in need.

"There are numerous producers in town who only have five hundred thousand dollars to their name" explained a representative from BPWNA. "This event provides funds to the Hollywood Film Fund so that those poor producers can make their own film. It's a winning situation for all."

According to a source close to Harmer, the sought-after Canada native is knee deep in the filming of The Chris Harmer Mysteries: The Case of the Missing Pooch. According to a speaker from releasing Miracle Pictures, the film, the third in the series, follows the detective as he tracks down a missing champion show dog. Returning is Kristen Schaal as Maddy Wannaberger as Harmer's assistant. Also appearing will be Harrison Ford and Charlize Theron as competing show dog owners.

"It's pure Harmer fun" continued the spokesman. "We hope that it will carry on the tradition of Chris' work with us. This will be his tenth Miracle Pictures product. As our friend Marlowe stated, Harmer is gold."

A release date has not been set yet, but Spring is likely.

I Just Binge Watched Videos of My Brother's Dog. Can I Take a Nap Yet?

After a year of retirement, another HTG news source is bringing back its weekly column on The Golden Girls. The television series, which ran from 1985 to 1992, featured four mature women who experienced their golden years in Miami. The entertainment news column, Golden Girls on the Go-Go, concerned news pieces on cast members, stories and "Where Are They Now?" articles. With just actress Betty White surviving, that news site decided to put away the column.

"It was easy enough to know where three of 'em were" stated a Golden Girls fan interviewed for this story. "And Betty White can't go far. She just turned 95. I've seen all of the episodes multiple times. There wasn't much to write about that kept me interested. But, with the return of nudity to Playboy, I'm hoping that... well, you know."

A call concerning possible senior citizen soft porn on an HTG news site was not returned by said news site operators.

"There's a naked picture of Bea Arthur out there" continued the Golden Girls fan. "I've had my fill of the cast's nudity. I hope rumors aren't true."