Actress Denies Being a Witch, But Enjoys Great Taste of Diet Dr. Pepper

Celebrities are victims of rumors on a regular basis. Beauty Charlize Theron is no exception.

"She's a witch! I can prove it!"

Such was the exclamation of an anonymous visitor to the Happening offices this week. He wished to remain unnamed in fear of reprisal from the Oscar-winning actress.

"I'm happily married, really!" he explained. "But every time I see Miss Theron, I become more and more enamored with her. It's a love spell, I tell you!"

When asked why the actress would cast such a spell, the accuser was quick with a response.

"So we'll see her movies over and over! I remember seeing Escaping Dead Island a couple years ago. I must have seen it a hundred times! Now she's coming out in another film. I'll grow broke at this rate and my wife will leave me!"

The documentary XCC: In For a Penny will open on June 26th. Theron has been slated at the narrator of the film. Martial artist Steven Seagal also appears doing color commentary.

"Someone has to help me! I bet she's in a coven somewhere. Yeah, that's got to be it!" cried the distressed visitor.

XCC: In For a Penny, the second in a series of films covering the mixed martial arts franchise, was written by Ship of Fooles and directed by Steve James.

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Britney Spears is not “secretly planning a wedding” with HTG mega-producer and star Chris Harmer, despite rumors floating around the city. A source close to the pop star exclusively told Happening that the story is untrue.

According to the gossip, “They talk about getting married all the time.” The rumor alleges Spears has “already started working on the details of her big day,” and claims “the guest list will be limited to close friends and family, plus anyone who positively supported any of Harmer's projects."

“She wants something simple, but memorable, nothing too over-the-top,” a supposed source claims. And that’s not all. The rumors further allege that Spears and Harmer “had planned to marry after her Las Vegas residency ends in December and before the release of 'I Am Harmer 2.'

Don’t go buying a gift just yet. Again, there is no wedding in the works.

"Isn't Chris already married?" pondered a visitor to the Happening offices.

Chris Harmer is next set to star in Monty Python's Harmergedon, a fantasy parody from Miracle Pictures. A release date has not been set.

Tomato Harvest Begins Early, Bug Investation Avoided Through Use of Kim Kardashian's New Perfume

Once a source of movie magic, actor Eddie Murphy's luck in HTG Hollywood has been non-existent. In fact, the star of The Nutty Professor has yet to be hired in more than 10 years of the city's existence.

"I thought when Miracle Pictures bought the Beverly Hills Cop franchise, poor ol' Eddie would get some work," stated a local movie fan. "But, in usual fashion, the guy who runs that company is taking his time with getting the project done. Also, I hear that Eddie's Axel Foley isn't even going to be the primary star of the show. It'll be some younger guy! Eddie just can't get a break, huh?"

Fortune for Murphy continued to diminish when he arrived at the casting call for Matthew Atwood's Space Travel on a Budget. Eager to get hired, Murphy was disappointed to discover that the agents had meant to call the next person on their alphabetical list of talent... Bill Murray.

"You should have seen his face," a worker at the meeting witnessed. "He wanted to try out anyway, but they said no. He cried out that he was Pluto Nash, but that didn't impress anyone. Pity. I liked that movie. Why won't people hire Eddie?"

According to those on hand, Bill Murray did nail the part for Space Travel on a Budget. He will star as Demitri, an apparently lazy and dumb engineer who is set to guide a young man to the stars.

Others set to star include Zooey Deschanel, Adrien Brody, Noomi Rapace and Kodi Smit-McPhee. The comedy has Sofia Coppola as director. Space Travel on a Budget, a Miracle Pictures release of a Slacker Mafia Films production, opens on June 12.

No, Kate Upton does not appear in it.

Ice Cream Recall Ignored During Dairy Week Celebration

After a five-year absence from the HTG big screen, producer Mattricks of Slacker Mafia Films is returning this summer with his new comedy, Space Travel on a Budget.

Sheltered fifteen-year-old Albert Tanner (Kodi Smit-McPhee) tracks down his idol, reclusive science fiction novelist and disgraced rocket engineer Demetri Stanko (Bill Murray), with the hope that he can spend the summer learning under his guidance. He is instead drawn into an underground space race, complete with an eccentric philanthropist starman, a beautiful ageless extraterrestrial and a Dutch cult. However, the biggest obstacle of his summer might just be the girl who lives down the hall.

Directed by Sofia Coppola, the movie is scheduled for June 12. Advertising is expected soon on the HTG message board. PJ Flip, after his successful campaign for They Came From Planet Earth, has been hired for poster work.

Joining Smit-McPhee and Murray are Zooey Deschanel, Emma Watson, Naomi Rapace, Adrien Brody, TJ Miller, Gael Garcia Bernal and Aasif Mandvi.

"A full-length comedy by the unicorn killer himself? I'll be there!" exclaimed a local movie goer.

Space Travel on a Budget opens on June 12.

KFC Raided, Illegal Crotchet Ring Lands in Slammer

Tentatively scheduled for June, the fate of Decepticon Liberation Front's comedy Peak Evil is still unknown. The description so far of the movie is as follows:

In an evil world dominated by supervillians one not so evil scientist formulates a theory of peak evil. His theory posits that the world is approaching the maximum output rates of evil after which it will entire terminal decline and run out. He tries to warn the world at large about the impending disaster that could bring society itself crumbling down but is scorned and ignored. Taking it upon himself to do something about it, he becomes the first superhero in a generation.

A cast has not been mentioned for the movie yet, nor a director. Will we be seeing the release next month?

"That Teufel fella plays his cards pretty close to his chest," stated an industry insider this weekend. "But, with the success of The Warriors, he can pretty much do whatever he wants. I sure hope Peak Evil comes and comes soon. We'll see, I guess."

Who do you feel should star in Peak Evil?

Shakespeare Play Cancelled, Waffle House Takes Up Former Theatre Space

Shannon Elizabeth did not receive a hickey during production of Miracle Pictures' Flying Saucer Movie, despite rumors floating around town.

The actress, who is making her first HTG appearance in the upcoming film, was spotted with a red mark on her neck. Jokes concerning the source of the mark turned to gossip, with varying results. Various people associated with MPFSM have reportedly given Elizabeth the alleged hickey, from actor Jason Mewes to producer Marlowe.

"I guess people have nothing better to talk about" explained Marlowe through a representative of Miracle Pictures.

According to someone close to Elizabeth, the actress merely had a small skin rash on the day in question.

Miracle Pictures' Flying Saucer Movie opens on May 22. It features characters from the View Askew Universe and is set in HTG Hollywood.

Knight to Queen's IN YOUR FACE!

Shooting for the upcoming film Chess Club got heated late last week, although initial production has gone smoothly. But things turned violent when a huge brawl erupted between several men and women.

According to witnesses, about a dozen people can been seen fighting. Security did their best to break up the melee, but things turned ugly very fast. At one point, a door is said to have been knocked off the hinges. No primary talent was involved in the fight, and it’s not clear what started the brawl. The film crew has also made no mention of the fight on social media pages, though something could easily be said by the end of shooting.

Chess Club centers around a group of 20-somethings (for the most part) and their quest to get their new organization ready for matches against a regional favorite. Producer Chris Harmer of Jade Falcon Productions last worked with Miracle Pictures in last year's Another Time to Die Hard.

Being in pre-production, no release date has een set.