Trouble On the Trail of Laughs (by Teufel)

The Oregon Trail franchise was given a surprise resurrection with a new network, new producer, and an abbreviated title " Oregon Trail ." Its first episode debuted second place in a strong return to HTG TV by producer Teufel. However, despite high ratings and decent critical success, there have been some unpleasant mutterings about the game show.

"I don't like it... it's like watching gladiatorial combat or Christians being fed to lions," complained all-star critic Lucian in his review of episode one. With onscreen death and cannibalism some are questioning just how real the game show is. Since the episode aired, nothing has been heard from contestants Chocolate Dog, Mark Chua or Toran. The second episode's celebrity guest star Alex Winter hasn't been seen since the episode aired last Monday, a disturbing period of quiet for such a well-known workaholic. If " Oregon Trail " is just a game show, where have these men gone? That's the question some have been asking along with their criticisms of the show.

Devil Ray Television network head CzarTim was out in full force to try his hand at damage control. "Look, this is just a game show!" he pleaded. "I talked to Mr. Winter the other day. We laughed about it. This is silly." When pressed to explain what he would do to calm public concerns, he had a very hands-on approach. "Episode three is coming up soon. To prove this is just a lighthearted game show, I will be on it as a contestant. If it wasn't safe would I put myself in harm's way?"

It's a bold plan to assuage concerns about the series. Czar Tim will be joined by BlueOthello and Bennyman along with a secret celebrity guest. " Oregon Trail " airs at 11 PM only on DRTV.

The Hard Man Returns. I Hope He Brought Enough Gum for Everyone

A date has been set for Miracle Pictures' new crime film, Hardwick 2: Double Trouble. Featuring characters from the award-winning Hardwick, April 8 is the release date.

Bryan Bishop is returning as Jack Hardwick, a transplant to California who has become a private detective to pay the bills. Marlowe will be back as Lieutenant Mattingly, the LAPD officer who is developing a professional relationship with Hardwick.

"The story's done" producer Marlowe commented earlier. "It's actually been completed for some time. I've just got to adjust a thing here and there. HTG-ify it, if you will. I hope that it will be enjoyed as much as the first."

Further casting has yet to be announced.

Producer Opts for Celebrities Instead of New Coffee Machine, Employees Up in Arms

Since the lifting of limits on Friendly Talents for producers, Baseball Mogul operator Pedro has been snatching up directors, actors and actresses for his group of discounted talents. Paul Leyden, Nicholas Lea, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Douglas and John Waters are now friendly to Pedro's films. He may now hire these talents at a reduced rate for films that he produces. (Other producers may still hire them, but at the normal rate.)

"I'm (bleep) pleased to be (bleep) associated with (bleep) Baseball Mogul Productions" declared Samuel L. Jackson when he heard the news. Jackson, who now appears in Miracle Pictures' A Poop Protest, has had roles in the three Generations films and Are You There, God? from Baseball Mogul.

When asked if future talents are in line for FT status with Pedro, an assistant at the Production Office stated "He's got several folks in mind, but we're keeping quiet on their identities. Pedro is planning on adding to his list of favorites soon."

Pedro's next film, Scooby Doo 2, is being released by Ship of Fooles studio this Friday.

Spaceship Orbits Uranus, Gives Science Fiction Movie Fans Cheap Giggle

(click image for larger version)

There sure have been a lot of leaks in HTG Hollywood as of late. Perhaps an eager producer can open a plumbing business. (boom?)

The above image found its way to the Happ office early this morning. The anonymous provider stated that the Flip Brothers Studio sci-fi wizards are hard at work on the new project, but couldn't offer any more information.

Is this a continuation of the recent Star Trek film? Or could something new be in the works? We here at Happening are eager to see more.

"I hope they have a Vulcan in a skin-tight unitard" declared staffer Buzz. "A woman, that is, like that Topol chick. Not Leonard Nimoy. Ick."

Money Well Spent. Now Go Buy Me a Pizza. Cha!

Utilizing a large bankroll and the opening of slots for friendly talent at his office, HTG megaproducer Pedro of Baseball Mogul has signed six celebrities as "friendly talents." As friendly talents, they can work for one-fourth of the normal asking price for that producer's films. (They remain available to any HTG producer as normal.)

After sending in a chunk of change to the Talent HQ, Pedro has received friendly status for Julianne Moore, Emily Blunt, Stephen Frears, Jason Reitman, Amy Adams and (surprise!) Parker Posey. The talents owe much of their HTG success to Pedro's films.

"I'm truly excited to be closely associated with Pedro and Baseball Mogul" declared Moore after learing of the purchase. "I just have to convince ol' Pedro now that those late dinners are just professional, if you know what I mean."

Pedro's current films include Faggots, now in theatres. Generations 3 is currently in buzz vote.

Actor Arrives at Audition with Arm Intact, Gets Job and Year's Supply of Moustache Wax

After years of auditioning for jobs in HTG Hollywood, actor Carl Weathers has finally been hired. He will have a small role in the upcoming A Poop Protest, the third in the line of films by Miracle Pictures.

"I'm Apollo Creed" grumbled Weathers, who made his transition to acting after a short professional football career. "Creed was Brando worthy. I don't see why it took so long for someone to hire me. But now I'm on my way, baby. Look for me in more roles soon. I can feel it. 2011 will be the year for Apo... I mean, Carl Weathers."

As he did in the TV series Arrested Development, Weathers will be playing a version of himself.

"He seemed right for the part" explained Miracle Pictures producer Marlowe. "I was surprised that in more than six years, no one had thought to include him in anything. I wish him the best in his future HTG career."

A Poop Protest is set to open on February 25.

Actress Finally Nabs HTG Job, Mega Mart Reports Record Sales of Drool Pads

With Session 10 coming up faster then people can sing John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith, networks are currently finalizing casts for new and returning shows. One of these shows is the new Western sci-fi comedy Sheriff Pro Tempore. The show comes from Laughing Dead (With Zinc!) Productions (New York, The Suicide Hand Guide) and was recently picked up by Rogue Net for a four episode order. The show has recently announced that James Roday and Mark Hamill will lead a cast that has a lot of new and returning talents, including Bella Thorne (Nightmare on Elm Street) and the great Fred Williamson (Dead Heat). But the question on everyone's minds is -- who would play the mysterious Loyla, an android and potential love interest to James Roday's character Gryff Pol? Well, ladies and gentleman, the question has been answered.

Sarah Shahi has officially been named as the actress who will be playing Loyla. She narrowly beat out the likes of Jordana Brewster and Jennifer Carpenter for the part. For the part, Sarah Shahi, who has been working at the Police Station under the guise as an Officer Dani Reese, will be leaving the assignment. She is the first officer in the department's history to leave the department to be a part of the regular cast for a TV show, as well as the first female officer to leave the department. Her part as Loyla also marks her first HTG role. Although she had been rumored for parts in past productions, she never was able to land an HTG role.

Sheriff Pro Tempore stars James Roday, Mark Hamill, Fred Williamson and Sarah Shahi. It is set to debut on Rogue Net this coming up session. The exact time the show will air is yet to be determined.