A Monster Hunter in the Old West? That's Somet'in!

Executives at Flip Brothers Studio found themselves in a pinch when they began filming their upcoming movie The Hunter, The Outlaws, & The Schoolteacher (sometimes confusing the title as Dead or Alive). Starring Hugh Jackman, the Australian action star showed up to set with a significant weight gain.

“After 17 years of hard labor" stated a studio rep, "Hugh says he can finally let himself go after retiring his portrayal as Wolverine. He’s happy to have the body of a mere mortal. Hugh groused it was pure torture staying in that kind of ridiculously perfect shape for so long, complaining it was far too much effort for what it’s worth to stay ripped all the time. Even his wife, well-known koala wig collector Deborra-Lee Furness, agree that they’ll both be happier now that Hugh’s spending far less time at the gym.”

Unable to get Jackman into shape so close to filming, the studio decided to wardrobe the actor from foot to toe in covering leather.

"You could still tell that he was heavy," continued the Flips representative, "but it worked. Hugh was hot during the shoot. Shooting in hot weather at a hot location didn't help. But Hugh came through like a trooper. We're quite happy with the result."

The Hunter, The Outlaws, & The Schoolteacher opens in March.

'Twas a Good Game. Could Have Gone Either Way.

Films continue to slip onto the release calendar. Currently in buzz vote, the Flips will be releasing Father Matthew. Featuring Chris Pine, the Star Trek actor plays a pastor who loses his parish's bankroll in an ill-conceived Hostess Ding Dongs resale investment. In order to regain the money, he signs up for a Matthew Perry impersonation contest at a local bar. Also starring Rachel McAdams as a rabbit's foot-collecting waitress interested in helping the pastor, the Flips are hoping that the chemistry between the two actors will boost ticket sales.

"Chris and Rachel had great chemistry" stated a studio representative. "We're betting that the movie will be a great success. Plus, who doesn't like a Matthew Perry impersonation contest? Chandler was the best character on Friends. Everyone knows that."

Father Matthew will open on this Friday.

Western Developments Announced

It was recently announced that Miracle Pictures producer Marlowe would be participating in a western anthology. Flip Brothers writer RitchieSteven was declared to be another author in the film. Unfortunately, RS has announced that the anthology has been cancelled. In order to get more movies on the release calendar, his portion titled Dead or Alive has been posted for a March release as a single presentation. The RS production is known to feature Hugh Jackman and a mention of vampires was given to this reporter.

"Vampires in the Wild West?" exclaimed a local movie goer. "That's intriguing. It won't be your typical western, that's for sure."

Marlowe has decided to put his Martin Freeman story on hold.

"I've got a hundred other things that I'm working on" the long-time HTG resident announced. "I work on one a little, work on another, then another and so forth. I really need to concentrate on one, but working part-time at Dinklage's Sprinkles is taking a lot of my time. I hope to get into one of my films soon and finish it."

Dead or Alive, a Flip Brothers Studio release of a RS Productions film, will be released in March.

And This. Martin Freeman in a Western?

Well, I Guess There's This

Where Are the Updates?

I haven't updated since July? Eek. Gotta work on that.

Knock Knock. Who's There? Bananas. Oh, I Like Bananas!

Despite having a large fan base, Sarah Michelle Gellar has not appeared on the HTG big screen since 2013. Often appearing in the past in productions from Amyland Studios, SMG has found herself cast in Miracle Pictures' Dead Heat: Year One. Based on the HTGTV show, which was based on a cult movie, the film was developed to honor late HTG mayor Adam West. West appeared in an episode of The Ben Stiller Show. Stiller agreed to appear in Dead Heat: Year One out of respect for West. Also appearing is frequent Stiller collaborator Owen Wilson and Carla Gugino.

Controversy developed last week when rumors of compromising photos of Sarah Michelle Gellar hit the HTG Hollywood streets. Happening has reached out to SMG's people and is pleased to announce that the hearsay is indeed just that.

"Why these things develop is beyond me" stated a representative of the actress.

Dead Heat: Year One is now in theatres, along with the newly-opened Possum Lodge Studios film Bits 3.

Deja Vu All Over Again

By Lucian Carter

Lucian has once again secured the services of actor Judge Reinhold who, despite being available for free due to a deal hidden somewhere on the Town Square map, has only been used by Lucian thus far. This time, Reinhold will narrate a piece in the new animated film Bits 3. The Bits series has prided itself on experimenting with genre to produce a wildly different Bits film each time out. Noted director Ralph Bakshi makes his HTG debut as he takes the helm. This is by no means children's animation as the mix of topics includes some dark pieces.

Canadian singer Gordon Lightfoot will be added to the mdb as a member of the cast, one of those weird things Canadian producers do. Bill Murray takes the top role as he narrates one of the longer and more controversial pieces. An editor once called this piece, called Groundhog Day, "horrifying" and the protagonist "a monster", not realizing the story was autobiographical. Another Canadian making their HTG debut is Russel Peters. Peters, a Canadian born of Indian immigrants, is one of the top grossing comics in the world, yet it seems mainstream America has never heard of him. Henry Rollins, Dolly Parton, Jerry Seinfeld, Susan Sarandon are just some of the other cast members.

Bits 3 hits theaters June 30th. Buzz vote today!

EIC Tells Staff to Insert Title Here, Leaves for Day at Beach With Hair Stylist's Niece

An established HTG publisher may be in trouble with city authorities, but it wouldn't be for normal celebrity reasons. Rather than being investigated for partying or crashing his car into the front glass of a liquor store, the esteemed Chris Harmer has complaints against him concerning recent additions to his HTG home. According to residents in the neighborhood, Harmer has added three silos to his front yard. Although calls to the one-time mayor were not answered as of this writing, a conversation with a neighbor on Ledger Lane gave us some insight.

"It's for storing that blasted poutine of his" explained the gentleman, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of cheese-covered reprisal. "He and his club buddies eat the stuff like Jack Nicholson goes through co-eds. You'd think that the stuff would spoil. Nope. They go through it too quickly. There's a new truck with more of it each morning. It's unsightful and noisy. They have to come down!"

Rumors may have an explanation why Harmer is engaging in such an odd practice. According to word on the street, Harmer is upset that his next film with Miracle Pictures, The Chris Harmer Mysteries: The Case of the Missing Dog, is falling behind on production.

"Oh, these things never go as quickly as you'd like" stated a representative from MP Studios. "But we're on track. We'll be seeing the finished product soon."

The third in the CHM series, the film will also feature Charlize Theron and Kristen Schaal. A Spring release has been announced. Another movie from the studio, Saturn Valley's Kelly & Carissa, is now showing in theatres. MBroderick's Leaving the Bay will open in May.

There's Ice Cream in the Freezer, But I'll Snack on this Broccoli. Don't Need Sugar This Late, Right?

Poster by Saturn Valley

Actor Seth Rogen and producer Marlowe of Miracle Pictures did not have a blowup over a film wrap gift, despite claims made by another HTG news source. Happening is pleased to put this rumor to rest.

As is tradition after making a movie, gifts are present to the stars by the heads of the project as a way of thanks. Saturn Valley's Kelly & Carissa, opening this Friday, will be the eleventh movie or TV show that Rogen has worked with Marlowe on. In fact, the comedic actor is a "friendly talent" to Miracle Pictures Studio. Rogen was presented a present this week by Miracle Pictures, an antique telescope. Known for his interest in astronomy, Rogen's appreciation to Marlowe was underestimated. An argument between the two men ensued, it has been established. But, it turned out, that the telescope was not the cause of the riff.

"It was over details concerning an upcoming movie" explained a Miracle Pictures representative. "And it was just a minor spat. Seth wants to be the lead in the film, but Marlowe believes that his limited work in the film does not earn him that spot. Although Seth will have to appear in one of the other top spots of the movie, a comedy, of course, he'll have to live without the lead."

Further conversation with the rep assured us that the disagreement between Rogen and the studio as finished.

Rogen appears as a perverted paramedic in the upcoming Kelly & Carissa. The film stars Michael Cera and Selena Gomez as man and wife who are involved in a unique act to fix a marital problem. The movie, directed by David O. Russell and written by Saturn Valley, opens this Friday.

Actor Despises Cold, Eats Seafood Nachos to Stay Warm

Actor Michael Cera has found himself in two consecutive movies released by Miracle Pictures. In addition to starring in Kelly % Carissa on April 14, Cera will be featured in MBroderick's Leaving the Bay. In a lesser role for the latter, Cera noted that the San Francisco shoot was quite chilly, compared to the Spanish scenes in K&C.

"It's like the studio's trying to get me to catch cold," remarked the young actor. "But I'm thrilled to have the work. I hope something else comes up soon."

Leaving the Bay concerns the move to Detroit from the Bay Area for Teddy, played by Alden Ehrenreich. The actor last appeared in HTG in 2014's Energy Run. Also starring in LtB is Lupita N’yongo. She portrays Hannah, a close friend to Teddy.

Leaving the Bay is an Ouroboros Productions film to be released in the near future.

Like a Rinestone Cowboy Removed From Soundtrack, Muscle Relaxers to Blame

Michael Cera has been cast in the lead role in the upcoming Kelly & Carissa. Penned by Saturn Valley, who gave us HTGTV's Underground Dan, the movie will focus on Cera's Kelly and his desire to fight a bull to defend his wife's (Carissa) honor.

"It's pretty silly" commented a spokesman from releasing Miracle Pictures. "There's some racy content as well. People should be ready for a wild ride."

This will be the fifth project from Miracle Pictures Studio that includes Cera. A sequel to All Up in That Junk, featuring Cera, is slated for a possible late Summer opening. Kelly & Carissa will be released in April.

Grilled Hamburgers for Lunch Today. Yum Yum.

With Spring rapidly approaching, HTG is seeing an influx of movie advertisements. Among those is a new PJ Flip/Flip Brothers release Fear the Reaper. Mark Wahlberg is set to star as Jack McGraw, a former police detective forced to become a vigilante superhero. Calling himself Eiffel Tower Archer Man, McGraw is out to get the person responsible for his shooting of a boy during a police chase.

"I guess he's looking for himself" stated a worker on the film set. "That gets overlooked, though. Markie's taking on a French accent when he's in his superhero costume, but the Boston voice is just too strong. Talk about distracting, huh."

Also starring in Fear the Reaper are Amanda Seyfried, Lucy Hale and Woody Harrelson as humble Boston bartender Woody. A release date has not been set as of this writing.

You Love Harrison Ford Movies? I Know.

Cherished actor Harrison Ford is under investigation after a recent incident in HTG Hollywood. While driving his '98 Fiat on Monroe Drive, Ford lost control and ventured up onto the sidewalk. No one was hurt, but a few of the stars on the F-M Walk of Fame were scuffed.

"It was quite scary" stated a witness to the event. "That Han Solo guy just drove up onto the sidewalk and ran into a utility pole. If that wasn't there, who knows what would have happened. He stumbled out of the car and starting yelling something about being denied membership to some club. The police came and let him go with a warning. I guess it pays to be a celebrity, huh."

Ford is scheduled to appear in the upcoming The Chris Harmer Mysteries: The Case of the Missing Pooch. The third installment of the series will be released by Miracle Pictures in the Spring.

This Sepia Filtered Picture of My Breakfast Oatmeal Makes Me Gag. Should Have Used Porter.

Whoopi Goldberg is not working on a nude exercise book, despite a report printed in another HTG news source. A supposed “source” is quoted in that other source as claiming Goldberg is a fan of Bill Goldberg's (no relation) book, Tough Buff, and alleges the Two Sisters star “wants to do a exercise book and pose naked with all the workouts.” The purported tipster even says Goldberg is convinced “her concept will succeed because she thinks she’s in the best shape of her life after sitting on her ass for years complaining on a morning talk show.”

Yes, Goldberg enjoys exercise. Yes, she looks buff. But representatives of the comedienne/actress assure us that the book is not forthcoming. Her recent time has been spent concentrating on Two Sisters: Election Night, an upcoming feature from Horizon Pictures by Richard Van Den. Also starring are Angela Bassett, Viola Davis and Alec Baldwin. It is set for release on March 17.

This Rerun of Modern Family is Hilarious. TWO Jokes About Single Gloves With Sequins. Rock It.

Controversy has erupted in HTG Hollywood as protests continue outside of theatres showing the new Flip Brothers release Press Start. According to Norma Thrillgood of The Organization of Women Who Whine About Whatever, Press Start is causing excess aggression in children who view the movie.

"My little boy Joey saw the film on Saturday," complained Thrillgood. "And that evening he complained about taking out the trash. That's unheard of in our house. The film obviously caused Joey to lash out at his parents. Unforgiveable."

According to theatre operators, the protests have been small and have not caused a loss in box office for Press Start.

"People just walk by 'em" stated on theatre manager. "The only loss that I have noticed is a decrease in Twizzler sales. But I think that's simply because we ran out of 'em on Sunday. We'll get more on Tuesday."

The video game related Press Start, starring Zachary Levi, is a PJ Flip movie in theatres now.

It Got Chilly Last Night. Needed to Put Sweat Pants On. Brrr.

Promoting an upcoming movie is tiring work, but necessary to ensure the film's success at the box office. The Flip Brothers release of Press Start is on Friday. Last-minute shilling of the video-game oriented project is extremely important at this time. But Ryan Reynolds, who is labelled as "Mikey" in the movie, has removed himself from the press tour.

"I'm not totally sure why Ryan did that" stated a representative from FBS. "But rumor has it that he and his wife, the lovely Blake Lively, got into an argument and needed to hash some things out. Get this... The rumor is that Blake announced to her husband that she has a crush on the one and only Chris Harmer. Can you believe it? If I was Ryan and that was true, I'd be upset also."

A call to the camp of Reynolds and Lively had not been returned as of this writing.

Further gossip is that Blake Lively had been forced to drop from her role in the upcoming Chris Harmer Mysteries film, slated for a Spring release. This had fuelled the crush rumor.

Reynolds new film, Press Start, opens tomorrow. It is a production of PJ Flip.

My Feet Are Cold. Maybe I Should Put Socks On.

In a surprise announcement made on his Tweetum account on Tuesday morning, HTG mega-producer informed his many fans that he will not be attending the annual Chris Harmer Barbeque For the Benefit of People Who Need Assistance. Scheduled for mid-April, the yearly event provides some of the best eating in HTG Hollwood, while helping those in need.

"There are numerous producers in town who only have five hundred thousand dollars to their name" explained a representative from BPWNA. "This event provides funds to the Hollywood Film Fund so that those poor producers can make their own film. It's a winning situation for all."

According to a source close to Harmer, the sought-after Canada native is knee deep in the filming of The Chris Harmer Mysteries: The Case of the Missing Pooch. According to a speaker from releasing Miracle Pictures, the film, the third in the series, follows the detective as he tracks down a missing champion show dog. Returning is Kristen Schaal as Maddy Wannaberger as Harmer's assistant. Also appearing will be Harrison Ford and Charlize Theron as competing show dog owners.

"It's pure Harmer fun" continued the spokesman. "We hope that it will carry on the tradition of Chris' work with us. This will be his tenth Miracle Pictures product. As our friend Marlowe stated, Harmer is gold."

A release date has not been set yet, but Spring is likely.

I Just Binge Watched Videos of My Brother's Dog. Can I Take a Nap Yet?

After a year of retirement, another HTG news source is bringing back its weekly column on The Golden Girls. The television series, which ran from 1985 to 1992, featured four mature women who experienced their golden years in Miami. The entertainment news column, Golden Girls on the Go-Go, concerned news pieces on cast members, stories and "Where Are They Now?" articles. With just actress Betty White surviving, that news site decided to put away the column.

"It was easy enough to know where three of 'em were" stated a Golden Girls fan interviewed for this story. "And Betty White can't go far. She just turned 95. I've seen all of the episodes multiple times. There wasn't much to write about that kept me interested. But, with the return of nudity to Playboy, I'm hoping that... well, you know."

A call concerning possible senior citizen soft porn on an HTG news site was not returned by said news site operators.

"There's a naked picture of Bea Arthur out there" continued the Golden Girls fan. "I've had my fill of the cast's nudity. I hope rumors aren't true."

Some Things Are Hard to Believe.