My Feet Are Cold. Maybe I Should Put Socks On.

In a surprise announcement made on his Tweetum account on Tuesday morning, HTG mega-producer informed his many fans that he will not be attending the annual Chris Harmer Barbeque For the Benefit of People Who Need Assistance. Scheduled for mid-April, the yearly event provides some of the best eating in HTG Hollwood, while helping those in need.

"There are numerous producers in town who only have five hundred thousand dollars to their name" explained a representative from BPWNA. "This event provides funds to the Hollywood Film Fund so that those poor producers can make their own film. It's a winning situation for all."

According to a source close to Harmer, the sought-after Canada native is knee deep in the filming of The Chris Harmer Mysteries: The Case of the Missing Pooch. According to a speaker from releasing Miracle Pictures, the film, the third in the series, follows the detective as he tracks down a missing champion show dog. Returning is Kristen Schaal as Maddy Wannaberger as Harmer's assistant. Also appearing will be Harrison Ford and Charlize Theron as competing show dog owners.

"It's pure Harmer fun" continued the spokesman. "We hope that it will carry on the tradition of Chris' work with us. This will be his tenth Miracle Pictures product. As our friend Marlowe stated, Harmer is gold."

A release date has not been set yet, but Spring is likely.

I Just Binge Watched Videos of My Brother's Dog. Can I Take a Nap Yet?

After a year of retirement, another HTG news source is bringing back its weekly column on The Golden Girls. The television series, which ran from 1985 to 1992, featured four mature women who experienced their golden years in Miami. The entertainment news column, Golden Girls on the Go-Go, concerned news pieces on cast members, stories and "Where Are They Now?" articles. With just actress Betty White surviving, that news site decided to put away the column.

"It was easy enough to know where three of 'em were" stated a Golden Girls fan interviewed for this story. "And Betty White can't go far. She just turned 95. I've seen all of the episodes multiple times. There wasn't much to write about that kept me interested. But, with the return of nudity to Playboy, I'm hoping that... well, you know."

A call concerning possible senior citizen soft porn on an HTG news site was not returned by said news site operators.

"There's a naked picture of Bea Arthur out there" continued the Golden Girls fan. "I've had my fill of the cast's nudity. I hope rumors aren't true."

Some Things Are Hard to Believe.

Woman Misplaces Cell Phone, Finds It in Seat Cushion Next to TV Remote

HTG Hollywood has been blessed with some film releases lately. Coming next Friday is another Flip Brothers project, Press Start. Currently in buzz vote, the movie includes Zachary Levi, Karen Gillan and Ryan Reynolds. With a nice ad campaign headed by producing/creative shark PJ Flip, Press Start is sure to get some tickets sold. But, according to some local movie goers, there's a problem.

"I'm not exactly sure what Press Start is about" confessed one movie fan at a local theatre. "Is it a live version of a video game? Does Nathan Fillion try to get all of Chuck's quarters? I don't know."

According to one rumor, Zachary Levi portrays a man doing his best to get his laundry done in time to meet a woman that he met that afternoon. Comic events keep delaying him.

"That's brilliant" declared another movie watcher. "A film set in a laundromat? That's a first. So innovative. There are so many possibilities. Does he separate his whites and colored clothing? What if his clothes are still damp after forty-five minutes in the dryer? And... oh, horror... what if he loses a sock, one o his lucky pair? Man, I hate when that happens!"

It appears that we'll have to wait for Friday to know for sure. Or early Saturday. (*winks*) Press Start, a Flip Brothers release of a PJ Flip film, opens March 1.

I Feel Like Ice Cream. Just Plain Vanilla with Strawberry Sauce. Yum.

Visitors to the HTG Hollywood Wax Museum were surprised recently when they encountered what they thought was an updated exhibit of action megastar Tom Cruise.

"It was so realistic!" exclaimed a female visitor when referring to the statue of Cruise.

It wasn't until late in the afternoon did museum guests realize that the wax figure was anything but. It was the actor himself!

"And then he sneezed" continued the female visitor. "I could have had a heart attack right there on the spot. I was so certain that, with that waxy complexion and blank stare, that it was a statue. How embarrassing!"

Cruise last appeared in HTG in 2013's Dead Island DC. Formally one of the top three actors in town, Cruise was replaced by Jon Heder when the latter's run of "Cops and Gobstoppers" ended.

"I'm surprised that he's not used more" stated a local movie insider. "There are multiple incentives out there to use him. Hopefully he'll find work soon."

Inject Title Here. Clap Hands. Eat Pop Tarts. Be Happy.

Celebrities are not best known for their modesty. And, thanks to banking authorites in HTG Hollywood, egos of certain stars are about to be inflated even more. According to an inside source, HTG bankers are lobbying to transform the pictures on current cash to those of TV and film stars.

"This is ludicrous" complained one customer of a local bank. "Oh, I hope Brad Pitt gets put on a bill! He's dreamy!" declared a woman with a large jar of pennies.

Bankers are denying the news, but a facsimile of a hundred dollar bill with Jack Nicholson replacing Benjamin Franklin has surfaced. Although Nicholson has not worked in HTG Hollywood since 2015, he still remains a respected acting figure.

"Can you imagine how many hundred dollar bills it would take to buy an eight million dollar pet at Mega Mart? Geeah!" screamed a third bank customer.

I Stubbed My Toe Again. Generally the Only Time That I Curse. And Curse I Did. It Hurt.

Movie fans are rejoicing after a Saturday afternoon press conference held by long-time studio Miracle Pictures. Chief operator Marlowe announced to the gathered crowd that he is working on a new installment of The Chris Harmer Mysteries. Following The Mystery of the Priest's Basement and The Case of the Laughing Parrot, the studio head confessed that the title had not yet been determined.

"The script is progressing marvelously" stated Marlowe. "And with Chris Harmer in the lead, of course, you know the box office will be through the roof."

Also returning is Kristen Schaal as Madelyn "Maddy" Wannaberger, Harmer's assistant and detective in training. Marlowe said that there would be a little more action in this film.

"Chris doesn't even require a stuntman" the chief explained with a smile. "He does require a trailer with a kitchen full of chili dogs and cotton candy. Weird combo, I know, but he's worth it."

A release date has been planned for this late Spring.