Money Well Spent. Now Go Buy Me a Pizza. Cha!

Utilizing a large bankroll and the opening of slots for friendly talent at his office, HTG megaproducer Pedro of Baseball Mogul has signed six celebrities as "friendly talents." As friendly talents, they can work for one-fourth of the normal asking price for that producer's films. (They remain available to any HTG producer as normal.)

After sending in a chunk of change to the Talent HQ, Pedro has received friendly status for Julianne Moore, Emily Blunt, Stephen Frears, Jason Reitman, Amy Adams and (surprise!) Parker Posey. The talents owe much of their HTG success to Pedro's films.

"I'm truly excited to be closely associated with Pedro and Baseball Mogul" declared Moore after learing of the purchase. "I just have to convince ol' Pedro now that those late dinners are just professional, if you know what I mean."

Pedro's current films include Faggots, now in theatres. Generations 3 is currently in buzz vote.

Actor Arrives at Audition with Arm Intact, Gets Job and Year's Supply of Moustache Wax

After years of auditioning for jobs in HTG Hollywood, actor Carl Weathers has finally been hired. He will have a small role in the upcoming A Poop Protest, the third in the line of films by Miracle Pictures.

"I'm Apollo Creed" grumbled Weathers, who made his transition to acting after a short professional football career. "Creed was Brando worthy. I don't see why it took so long for someone to hire me. But now I'm on my way, baby. Look for me in more roles soon. I can feel it. 2011 will be the year for Apo... I mean, Carl Weathers."

As he did in the TV series Arrested Development, Weathers will be playing a version of himself.

"He seemed right for the part" explained Miracle Pictures producer Marlowe. "I was surprised that in more than six years, no one had thought to include him in anything. I wish him the best in his future HTG career."

A Poop Protest is set to open on February 25.

Actress Finally Nabs HTG Job, Mega Mart Reports Record Sales of Drool Pads

With Session 10 coming up faster then people can sing John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith, networks are currently finalizing casts for new and returning shows. One of these shows is the new Western sci-fi comedy Sheriff Pro Tempore. The show comes from Laughing Dead (With Zinc!) Productions (New York, The Suicide Hand Guide) and was recently picked up by Rogue Net for a four episode order. The show has recently announced that James Roday and Mark Hamill will lead a cast that has a lot of new and returning talents, including Bella Thorne (Nightmare on Elm Street) and the great Fred Williamson (Dead Heat). But the question on everyone's minds is -- who would play the mysterious Loyla, an android and potential love interest to James Roday's character Gryff Pol? Well, ladies and gentleman, the question has been answered.

Sarah Shahi has officially been named as the actress who will be playing Loyla. She narrowly beat out the likes of Jordana Brewster and Jennifer Carpenter for the part. For the part, Sarah Shahi, who has been working at the Police Station under the guise as an Officer Dani Reese, will be leaving the assignment. She is the first officer in the department's history to leave the department to be a part of the regular cast for a TV show, as well as the first female officer to leave the department. Her part as Loyla also marks her first HTG role. Although she had been rumored for parts in past productions, she never was able to land an HTG role.

Sheriff Pro Tempore stars James Roday, Mark Hamill, Fred Williamson and Sarah Shahi. It is set to debut on Rogue Net this coming up session. The exact time the show will air is yet to be determined.

I Just Had a Bowl of Raisin Bran. Good Stuff. Yum, Two Scoops!

(Click image for larger version.)

Quantum With More News. That's Two in a Row, Q. One More and You Get a Cookie. Oatmeal Raisin Maybe. Not Sure. Have to Check the Jar.

Football fans are going to be disappointed to hear this bit of news. It turns out that Hollywood Stars co-owner (yes, co-owner, who knew?) Cameron Diaz, or around the locker room "Christina Pagniacci," has sold her share of the team in exchange for the chance to take on the female lead in the new Lucky 13 Productions/Lake Hope Features action conspiracy film Silencer. She will be taking on the role of Jane Priller, an investigative reporter who brings together the likes of herself, a businessman (Adrian Pasdar) and an assassin (Keanu Reeves) together when she uncovers some intriguing evidence.

The role of Jane Priller has had some secrecy as, during the press conference for Adrian Pasdar's cast joining, the role had been labeled as TBA. The TBA was a precaution for the Hollywood Stars who wanted to have time to find a new co-owner, and while the Hollywood Stars do not want to name the new co-owner, they did say "we are happy with [Cameron Diaz's] replacement, though 'Christina' will be missed around the locker room."

Surprisingly, Silencer marks Cameron Diaz's HTG debut. Ms. Diaz has been linked to several HTG roles in the past, but none of the jobs "quite panned out."

Expect to see Silencer arrive in theaters on January 14th. The film is directed by Jonathan Frakes (Bright) and co-stars Adrian Pasdar (Petrol in the Veins) and Keanu Reeves (Finding Atlantis).

Quantum Provides Happening Readers With the First Story of the Year. Thanks, Q.

The HTG Police Force will be losing one of their officers, Adrian Pasdar, who works under the name "Det. Vernon Coyle." He will be leaving the force to star as news corporate bigwig James Blackwell in the new LHF/Lucky 13 Productions (Keeping Up Apperances: A Musical Day, Nebraska) film Silencer. He will be taking on the leading role in the film alongside Finding Atlantis star Keanu Reeves, who reunites with Lake Hope Features for the first time since that actioner was released.

In Silencer, the lives of a corporate hotshot (Adrian Pasdar), a spy (Keanu Reeves) and a reporter (actress to be announced) are connected when the reporter stumbles onto a conspiracy. The film is filled with suspense and intrigue as race to save there lives -- or lose them.

Jonathan Frakes (Bright) directs Silencer, which is set for a January 14th, 2011 release. This is Adrian Pasdar's first film since Petrol in the Veins, while this is Keanu Reeves first film since his appearance in Starlight. An announcement about the actress will be made in the days and weeks leading up to the film's release.

It's Obvious That Bishop Sighed Because We Haven't Updated Happ for a Few Days. Sorry 'Bout That, Dude.

Attention movie goers: Ron Perlman is not dead.

A news story submitted to various HTG sources has claimed that the actor died Thursday morning after a short illness. But, according to people close to Perlman, he is alive and kicking. Fortunately for HTG Hollywood, none of the news sources published the death announcement, instead checking first on its veracity.

"I think claiming that someone is dead when he is clearly not is in extremely poor taste" stated a diner a Carne Diem Restaurant (serving nothing but meat every day).

Perlman's team will be aggressively investigating the source of the death rumor.

The next HTG big screen appearance for Ron Perlman will be as The Narrator in Random's The Stupidest Angel, opening December 31.