Nice Poster, Too. Makes Me Want to Put Strawberry Jam on My Tongue and Lick the Empty Part In. Too Much? I Don't Own a Paint Brush, Dewd!

Who is she? It's not for certain. But Mayor Megan Fox's character in the upcoming Out of the Dark is sure to please a lot of moviegoers on the 28th when she takes on the role of Jane Doe.

You see, the latest ad for PJ Flip's new film has the uber hot actress undressing.

Is it a fantasy brought forth by a lovesick Ray Carter, played by Bret Harrison? With Robert Downey Jr. on the cast list, is it possible that the older Iron Man actor will provide competition for Ray's desires?

"There's more to be expected than meets the eye" a source at Flip Brothers Studio informed this reporter during an early morning latte. "There's more than want of some eye candy going on. You'll see when the movie opens."

Out of the Dark, directed by David Fincher, is available for buzz vote on Friday.

It Looks Like Jean Claude Will Be Utilizing a New Fighting Style -- Crows Feet. Pow! Seriously, Best of Luck to Him. Still Love Timecop.

An inside source at Devil Ray Television has provided Happening with some early info on a new fantasy series called Rayner. Produced by Emerald Pictures, the new half hour show will feature Craig Horner, Michael Eklund, Annalynne McCord and martial arts acting legend Jean Claude Van Damme.

Returning as the top rated HTG TV network in September, will the DRTV lineup keep the fans tuning in?

"We still have some of the high rated shows that pushed us to the top" remarked the DRTV source. "If anything, I think that our overall ratings for this next session will be higher than the last one."

The new television shows are scheduled to begin in September.

Isn't That the Guy From Psych? Cool. Will Monk Be In This? He Can Also Do the Cab Driver Thing. Or Carriage Driver. Whatever Works.

Raptor Inc. producer Quantum has pegged personal fav James Roday to take the lead in his upcoming adaptation of Jack of All Trades. The show appeared for 22 episodes in 2000, a fun-packed actioneer starring Bruce Campbell. The story centered around the adventures of an American spy and a lovely British one during Napoleon's intended conquest of the world. Full of Bruce Campbell humor, it packed as many one-liners in as it did historical inaccuracies (for humor's sake).

Roday, who has appeared in a few smaller films in HTG and was nominated for his acting in HTG TV's You, Me & That Guy, will portray Jack Stiles, aka The Daring Dragoon. A respectable remainder to the cast has been hired, but Quantum is holding off on their announcement for the time being.

"We need to get this set up just right" stated the eager author. "What we have so far is really exciting. I can hardly wait for people to enjoy it."

Jack of All Trades is planned tentatively for a September release.

Dude, Where's My Next Job?

With countless talents available and so few projects to find work in, it's fortunate when an actor is hired for an HTG project. Seann William Scott, the star of the upcoming Nowhere Land, realizes that.

"I was in a couple of those Days movies" Scott recalls. "They were a hoot. Lots of action. A real nice experience. But since then, it's been goose eggs for ol' Seann. So when Living Color Productions gave me a holler about starring in their new film, I jumped at the chance."

Scott portrays Dale Masterson, a customer at a grocery store on a stormy night. Along with an assistant store manager (Margaret Cho) and a cashier (WWE Diva Mickie James), Dale ends up on a surprising adventure.

"I felt like I was wet for half of the shoot" Scott continued. "There were water scenes in this large cavern. There was a river. I got sucked through a tunnel of water. And, to beat all, there was this waterfall. Thank goodness for the stunt team. Going over that sucker would have been absolutely freaky."

Nowhere Land is the second HTG movie from Tuckerjoe, who previously brought us the Keenan Ivory Wayans film My Name is Bob. According to Tuckerjoe, another Bob film is on its way.

"I think that its an interesting character with a lot of potential" the young producer explained when questioned about Nowhere Land and other upcoming works. "I really like Keenan and wouldn't mind putting him in several things, maybe even a TV show."

Tuckerjoe's newest, Nowhere Land, is a Lake Hope Films release. It is currently in buzz voting.

Is He Back? Well, Kinda. Like the Great Taste of Diet Cherry 7Up. You Don't Know How Long It Will Be Around. Hey, It Has Antioxidants!

"It's enough to make me want to pull my hair out" proclaimed Marlowe during a recent press conference covering the slowdown on news in What's Happening.

"I got my new fancy modem in. But there's something wrong with the ethernet, probably the card. Thankfully the new modem has wifi, so we're not completely shut off from the HTG world. I've found a free paint program that seems to work with the laptop, given its limitations. So if I'm without the desktop for a while, I'll still be able to at least try to keep up with this news source."

Is there any particular story that Marlowe wishes he would have been able to cover since this difficulty began?

"Maybe Pedro winning the Best Producer award. I'd love to hear him comment about that."

Any HTG citizen wishing to promote his/her latest movie, television show or HTG service can reach the Editor in Chief here or through normal HTG channels.

"Let's keep our fingers crossed, hehe."

A Quickie But a Goodie, Me Thinks

Still lacking the ability to create a full-blown article covering life in HTG Hollywood until his hardware problem is fixed, Happening EIC Marlowe has decided to post a reminder to all citizens that (beyond this being a majorly long sentence) the latest HTG Awards will be held at 2PM Eastern Time on Sunday. Producer Bryan Bishop has agreed to host the festivities. Who will walk away with the Golden Yodas? Drop by and find out!

Also, What's Happening is offering nice bucks for anyone offering a story on the ceremony.

"We pride ourselves in paying well" stated Marlowe. "I'd do it, but, well, someone else doing it means less work for me."

Updates Still On Hold, Chicken Soup is Good for a Cold. At Least That's What My Mom Says.

"I'd say it's a conspiracy, but there's probably people out there planning on me saying that. So I won't."

Operating with a modem for his desktop computer, Happening EIC Marlowe once again is forced to wrangle free wifi for his slow laptop. Will his hardware difficulty be solved soon?

"They said it would take five business days for a new modem to arrive. That would mean Friday. But who knows. It could be next Monday or Tuesday for all I know. That would be my luck, the way it's been going lately."

Until that modem arrives, Marlowe wishes to remind his fellow HTG Hollywood citizens that no updating (that he would normally handle) can be completed.

"If you buy something, make a note of it. You'll get it eventually. And as for further pics of our somewhat inane, yet hot mayor, I'm sure something good will develop over the week. I can only hope. Hubba hubba."